GUERA SALSERA

Nun-chuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills

2012-01-30T16:51:00.000-08:00

Hopefully you are catching my Napolean Dynamite references. Girls only want guys with good skills! Perhaps Chris married me for my awesome dinner making skills. Let me explain, it's not about just making dinner. It's about being too lazy to go to the store even when our pantry and kitchen are seemingly empty. Don't know why I hate it so much, I just do. Perhaps it's the fact that dinner takes enough of my time, preparing, eating, and cleaning up. Ugh...I was not cut out for this. That is when the skill and creativity come into play. What can a I make with pickled jalapenos, ketchup, cottage cheese, and a few brown banana's.

Nothing right? Yes, acutally I don't think I could make anything with that set of ingredients. Luckily I had just a few other things to combine with the pickled jalapenos; two cans of black beans, a purple onion, and a few key spices (minced garlic, cider vinegar, chili powder, salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper). Simmer everything together in a pan for an hour and serve with some left over grated cheese and sour cream. Delish.

I pride myself on my skillz :)

Essentials

2011-10-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

Lotion, as my husband knows all too well, is definitely one of my essentials. I can not sit down to watch a movie with dry hands. I cannot go to bed with a dry face. When stepping out of the shower there is a small window of time in which to properly lock-in the moisture. I can even tell when my finger nails are getting too long because it creates an unquenchable thirst in my hands. Fascinatingly odd wouldn't you say?

Being a chronic user, I have undoubtedly developed a hypersensitivity to dryness. Not only can I detect the sensation but I become obsessed focusing on the discomfort! My brain cannot process homework, music, video, or anything really. It's quite debilitating and can lead to acts of desperation in times of need.

Today I was without said "elixir of the God's". After washing my hands about 3 times this morning one may imagine the severity of the circumstances. Luckily I always carry with me an almost equal essential...lip balm. That's right, I smeared medicated Blistex all over my hands working it into the crevices between my fingers. Complete disregard for anyone who may be watching me in the midst of the library. Not ideal but my world is at peace once again.

Frazzle McDazzle

2011-07-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

So one of my close girl friends from college just shared a totally romantic picture of her boyfriend without his shirt on kissing her in front of a waterfall. The caption over the photo was "Is this real life?". Uh, yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking right about now but on the opposite side of the spectrum.

Is THIS real life?

Uh, yes, yes it is, you have mutated into Mrs. Frazzle

I graduated with all my friends back in 2005. SIX years later I am now the only one of my friends STILL in college and living in my parents house. Hmmm, not quite how I envisioned my future. I realize I've turned into the ultimate Debby Downer over the past two years with my introduction into responsible adulthood. It's been rough...growing up that is. Probably why I put it off so long.

Ha, ha, have to share a quick funny experience. So I was asked to speak in church a couple weeks ago and of course ended up writing my talk on Sunday morning. I started with the classic tradition of sharing some of my personal background in order to kill a few minutes. I briefly disclosed my dark educational past and tried to make a joke by cautioning the youth not to follow in my footsteps. Well a couple days later at a ward BBQ a lady came up to me and told me she enjoyed my talk.

Lady: "You know I really enjoyed your talk on Sunday."

Me: "Thank you. It really was a fun oppor..."

Lady: "Yeah, I was really hoping that my daughter was listening."

Me: "Well that's really kind of..."

Lady: "Yeah, my daughter just loves school and keeps taking all these classes but just doesn't really know what she's planning to do with her education when she graduates."

Me: "Oh...", awkward pause of shock, "...yeah you know everyone tells you college is so important but I guess you really need to have some direction and goals in mind."

Lady: "Yeah, I mean classes are just so expensive. Her father and I don't really want to keep paying for them."

Me: courtesy laugh, "Ha...yep school can really rack up a bill."

Yeah, I was a bit taken back by her comments. Apparently she didn't catch on that I was trying to make a JOKE! In my defense I payed my own way through college! Yes I occasionally went shopping in my mother's fridge and received a few generous charitable donations from loving grandparents and a good aunt. But I pretty much paid every last dime for books, tuition, housing, food, health care, etc. myself! Additionally I admit I've taken the long road, okay the LONGEST road, but I have also learned quite a bit and had some great experiences along the way. Okay, enough wasting time...I've got to get back to Ms. Frazzle-land and study for my pharmacology quiz.

Satisfaction!

2011-06-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

Upon getting married I have felt the responsibility to actually prepare meals instead of just eating a few gold fish and throwing a smoothie in the blender for dinner. Why wasn't I thinner throughout college?? Well of course that meager meal was always followed up by post meal rummaging through the pantry and fridge, a string cheese, yogurt, a few grapes. Then I would usually go out dancing for the evening and upon arrival home at 1 am follow up with a steaming glass of Pero, a few Triscuit's with cottage cheese, and some form of chocolate perhaps smothered in peanut butter. Ah yes, now the calories are adding up.

This "on the go" lifestyle was both time efficient and hassle free. However like I said, there is a twinge of guilt experienced when I expect Chris to fend for himself. So now I engage in the never ending quest for recipes. Not only must I account for the time it takes to prepare the meal but the post meal clean up, menu planning, and grocery shopping. Since I have less time now than I have had previously in my entire life I have three criteria for the perfect recipe:

1. Must be FAST to throw together

2. Must be DELICIOUS or why bother eating it

3. Must be NUTRITIOUS according to my own standards which ideally would be higher but are not. I shall outline them for you below:

Typically steer clear of red meat especially ground beef but do eat it occasionally
Typically don't make heavy pasta dishes
Preferably lots of greens, veges, and fruit
Love finding a raw recipe but I have found few that meet the DELICIOUS standard
Try to cook 50% of dinners that are meatless every week if not more
Avoid cooking with many processed foods

So there you go, my current food standards, judge them as you will it is beside the point of this blog post. I find it hard enough to find recipes meeting my current criteria, but when I do... SUCCESS!!! Oh the joy and satisfaction! Delicious, ridiculously fast and easy, and relatively guil

t free! I don't want my blog to turn into some type of food blog but I experienced this exact joy tonight and I feel obligated to share what may be a gem of a website. We made maple mustard dressing and threw it on a bed of mixed greens topped with sliced bosc pears, fresh blueberries, sliced almonds, and a sprinkle of feta cheese. It was BOMB! And it only took about 5 minutes to throw together with a piece of crusty bread toasted on the side. I only made a half recipe of the dressing if anyone decides to give it a try it was beyond plenty.

I have briefly glanced over the blog I stole this recipe from and it looks very promising! Ah, so satisfied. On top of that great find today I also got a 100% on my evidence based practice exam today! Considering 67% of the class got an A or A- it's not all that impressive but I was 1 out of 5 that got the perfect 100%. Again so satisfying right? All the torturous reading of scientific journal articles, pain staking thesis writing, research classes, and statistics work from grad school finally paid off :) Okay, guess it's not the first time it's paid off but lets just say it was overall a very satisfying day.

PS- Wasn't trying to make Chris look helpless and lazy. Chris always does the dishes, plans the meals, does the grocery shopping, bakes the banana bread, scrubs the floor, darns the socks, etc. Okay minus the last two but he would if I asked :)

The Results Are In!

2011-03-05T04:14:00.001-08:00

It is official...

I will be going to nursing school at the University of Utah starting May16th. Which also means no chance of having my first child until I'm 30. I'm nervous, excited, unsure, happy...not really sure which emotion is winning out? But I will say it feels awesome to have been accepted!

Upon my 29th birthday next year I will have complete my 8th year of college...is there something wrong with me? And I've been having fantasy's lately about getting my PhD someday in Ex Phys...yes something is definitely wrong with me.

The Mosquitoes Strike Again

2010-10-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

This unprovoked act of criminal battery actually happened back in August. Chris and I were out for a Sunday evening stroll through the park. On our way home we were only five minutes away from the apartment when the mosquito struck. It landed square between my eyes on the delicate flat bridge of my Japanese nose before sinking it's snout (??) into my flesh and beginning to suck the life giving sweet, sweet nectar from my systemic capillaries. I realized what was happening just in time to seek my revenge on the pesky little thug by smashing his guts under the edge of my left index fingernail...but the damage had already been done.

Chris ignored my whiny complaints of an unbearable itching and rapidly swelling nose following the incident on Sunday evening. Even after documenting my slow but steady transformation into an Avatar looking creature Chris insisted the swelling would subside with the application of a small amount of topical hydrocortisone cream and claimed not to notice any deformation of my facial features.

Unfortunately I failed to document the aftermath the next morning that bore a strong resemblance to Quasimodo. When Chris woke up to my screams of horror from the bathroom the next morning he finally decided I was not being over dramatic about the situation and ran off to the drugs store at 6 am to get me Benadryl. I then proceeded to work where I got several exclamations of, "what happened to your face??", and "Is there something wrong with your nose"? This is the second allergic reaction I've had to a mosquito bite and I live in fear of a future encounter. Until then...enjoy the pictures of my afflicted state on Sunday evening entitled...Avatar. I'll also post a picture from our 1 year anniversary back in August because I've been seriously lacking in the photo department as of late and need to prove I don't normally look like an Avatar.

This was within the first hour of being bit...again no picture of the full effect.

One year anniversary!

Teaching Strategies 101

2010-10-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Teaching Strategies 101:

Q: What if I can't answer a students question?
A: This is an easy one, just take your pick from one of my top three responses

Well, you're first choice is to make something up. As the teacher you are revered as the authority and they will believe most everything you tell them. I know this because of all the myths I've debunked that were taught by other instructors. Gosh darn it's hard being the competent one :)
Respond with thought, intrigue, and humility. "Hmmmm, yes, well that is a very good question Tiny Tim. I actually don't know the answer. I know this may come as a surprise but I don't know all things...just most things."
Use scientific limitations to your advantage. "Well, you know...I don't think there is yet a scientific explanation for that. Perhaps you should pursue a doctorate and research this topic further.

Q: How can I more fully enjoy my experience as a teacher?

A: To best enjoy your teaching experience you must take full advantage of your captive audience. Following are a few examples of things I've done.

Make sure to share all stories and personal opinions you didn't get to share with the family over Sunday dinner last night.
Incorporate all gruesome pictures from your personal blog, (the ones you couldn't get your friends and family to look at) into your PowerPoint presentations.
Assign research articles that support your personal opinions as homework assignments.

I have run out of time today but hope you have enjoyed the brief question and answer sessions that was provided. Please feel free to submit any remaining questions in the comments section and I will do my best to reply in a timely fashion.

ml, mm, and lbs

2010-09-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

So yeah...I started working at Eagle Gate College back in February and consequently I haven't posted since February. No time and no Internet. Anyhow, one of Chris's friends is letting us borrow his old lap top. So I'm back in business...well maybe not quite but I'll spare ten minutes today.

The skinny on the latest happenings:

Realized my degree is still almost useless...at least when it comes to making a decent dollar for my time and intellect :) (don't I sound snotty...that's right it's Master Grant to you!) So I'm investing even more into education. Don't get me wrong, but Tommy Boy had a point...when you've gone to college for seven years and don't have a doctorate of any kind to show for it, one starts to question the return on investment. Anyhow I forked out some green for a CNA course so I could prove I was competent enough to wipe butts. Really it's probably the menial smalls tasks those of us with a higher education actually struggle with...okay, no we don't.

Anyhow, CNA's are actually required to take an 80 hour certification course! Then you must pass a written exam in addition to a practical exam in which you will be asked to perform 3-4 of the 28 skills you are expected to know. Only then can you get hired for a minimum wage job feeding the elderly a food processed version of what used to be a hot dog.

If you're wondering what these 28 skills consist of let me tell you. Everything from basic hand washing to complicated unit conversion problems. For example, in the hospital things are measured in ml or cc's. 1 ounce = 30 ml, so how many ml are in 5 ounces??? Tricky huh? Yeah, so the nurse who was teaching the course gave us a little unit conversion sheet so we could practice converting ounces to ml. This proved quite the difficult task for the lady sitting next to me. After explaining to her how to do each problem she asked, "How do you know all of this stuff? Do you do this for your job?"

Um, yes lady, I convert oz to ml's all day at work! "No, no, I guess I just always liked math in high school."

Not so bright smoker face replied, "Oh. When I was in school they didn't even teach us millimeters. The only thing we had back then was pounds, and that's all we used."

Yeah, I'm guessing that is NOT true. The last time I checked milliliters weren't invented in the last twenty years! And for the record it's milliLITERS not milliMETERS. You see milliliters are a unit of volume, millimeters are a unit of length, and pounds are not a measure of either volume or length! Pounds are a measure of weight. I tried once to explain the difference between millimeters and milliliters but she just said, "oh, okay", and then kept saying millimeters. Argh!

So this is who I'm going to class with these days. These are the future nurses of America and why is it that they get paid more than me??? Okay, jk...I know several smart nurses out there and that lady doesn't have a prayer of passing her CNA exam.

So that's the skinny.

Great Give Away

2010-02-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm exploiting my blog at the chance of winning something free (really cute hand crafted baby goodness from BooBoo and Norm's). No this is no type of pregnancy announcement. But it's a really great give away for all you mom's or just other baby crazy aunts like myself. Plus my friend Sarah is like a master coupon expert...so those wanting to get into that can learn from the master. Check it all out at Sarah's blog http://licentstosave.blogspot.com/.

Good Idea Bad Idea

2010-02-19T13:43:00.001-08:00

Well, as much as I would like to post funny stories about my job...I recently heard this big fuss over some high school student starting a Facebook hate group about a teacher. People are so dumb these days and I'm afraid to post anything that could incriminate me. Please call me for updates on the teaching. It's been quite interesting. Let me just share one small thing...

This is how one of my students spelled the word skeletal on her quiz...skelitail. Ha, ha...so funny.

Well I do have one other amusing story. Me and Chris have now been married for 6 months!! We have slowly made progress on our little apartment. We started by sleeping on an air mattress for 2 months and watching movies on my laptop. When the air mattress finally sprung a leak I gave into the idea of dropping some cash on a bed (yes, I have problems). We graduated to watching movies on our newly purchased and beloved bed. Then we finally inherited a television and now watch movies sitting on the carpet in our living room. Well, we finally got a hand-me-down sofa. This is where my story begins.

We actually had two couch offers at about the same time. A plaid green and white love seat that had the loving touch of a rambunctious two year old. It was in fairly good condition but a little bit of spilled Koolaid, a touch of Crayola, and more than a few grimy finger prints. The other a full length simple black sofa. Our first choice was the black sofa...but we were informed it may not become available until late April. After dragging my feet in the mud for a while, not bothering to ask someone if I could borrow their truck, I was forced to make a decision on the plaid love seat. Because it was free, and I wasn't given any confirmation on the black sofa, I decided I better not pass it up.

I arranged to borrow a truck from my cousin and we went and picked it up. Then I had a great idea. Chris gets the upholstery of his car cleaned annually over at the local car wash. What would be the difference in cleaning a couch?? So we drove our couch over to the car wash and asked if we could pay the same $30 fee to have the couch cleaned in the same fashion. They thought this was a strange request but consented. Well, my mark of genius soon went down hill. When we came out to view the couch, it was in a standing puddle of water. Saturated through and through! What were we to do with this sopping mess?? Where were we to put it while it dried? Not to mention it didn't really look much cleaner.

Come to find out, they decided to power spray the cushions with water! IDIOTS! This is NOT how they clean the interior of your car!!! Of course we couldn't really complain...I mean they didn't actually advertise any specialty in the cleaning of used couches. Well, we packed up our dripping mess of a couch and went home. We carted it into the communal laundry room to drip dry. Meanwhile I decided the cushions were not at all clean and began to fill my bathtub with laundry detergent. As I was up to my elbows in suds and saturated couch cushions I discovered the cushion covers simply zip off. That's right, all I had to do was zip off the covers and throw them in the washing machine! I am an IDIOT! Well, after four days of drip drying in our bath tub the cushions were finally dry. The couch frame had dried as well and the covers came out of the washing machine practically brand new!

Then no later than three days after this escapade my friend Cassie called me and told me her mother was indeed getting rid of the black sofa. IRONY. Oh well, anyone in the market for used couches please learn from my stupidity. Do not take your couch to the car wash!

What have I gotten myself into?

2010-01-30T18:39:00.000-08:00

Okay people, my unemployment woes are lost. That's right. I am starting a new job on Monday. The very first job in my life that pays me a salary and not an hourly wage. Well, BYU paid me a salary...but it was under $20,000 a year so that doesn't count.

Say hello to the lead instructor of the Personal Fitness Trainer program at Eagle Gate College. I will be teaching two combined Anatomy/Physiology classes as well as two Exercise Physiology Classes. Please don't let me sound ungrateful but let me just make a few lists of things I am pondering.

Things I will miss about unemployment...
1. Working out, (yoga, step aerobics, etc.) in conjunction with BYU broadcasting from 8-9am.
2. Running a few errands in the morning but making it home in time for TLC's What Not to Wear at 1pm.
3. Having the option of wasting my day doing house work as an excuse to listening to Harry Potter when I'm depressed about the job market.

Things I will not miss about unemployment...
1. Trying to buy groceries on $10/week and making my husband share my deodorant when his runs out.
2. Coming up with justifications for the way I wasted a day or two.
3. Watching my husband run himself into the ground trying to pick up extra shifts at work.
4. Eating beans four out of five nights of the week because that's what's in our pantry.

Pro's about my job...
1. I get Friday's off so it's always a three day weekend!
2. It's money...and although it's not a ton it's more than I've ever made before, it will be nice to start paying off some student loans.
3. It uses my degree! I had little hope of actually using my degree post graduation.
4. I can go out to dinner and a movie with my husband...maybe not in the same weekend but we haven't done either in the past five months we've been married. (Well, Chris's parents took us out a few times when they visited...but we personally haven't been out the two of us alone on our own wallets).
5. Basically I get PAID to do homework now.

Con's about the job...
1. Basically I have to continue doing homework!
2. It's in SLC so I will be commuting
3. My schedule is pretty spaced out...8am-10am then 6pm- 10pm Monday's and Wednesday's. Yes, I will be staying the night in SLC two nights a week and missing Chris a lot.
4. Right now I'm sharing an office with my boss, a dude, a nice dude but still...weird. If I'm going to be at school for 11 hrs a day I need a little personal space please. For clarification I have my own desk and computer but it's not a separate cubicle or anything. How can I waste a little time on facebook if my boss is watching over my shoulder! That should be my right as a working professional, two fifteen minute blog/facebook/email breaks every couple hours. (Everyone pray I will be moved to my own office space!!)
5. I have to wear professional clothes, do my hair, and make up, four days a week! Kill me now.

Okay, really the Pros were supposed to out weigh the Cons...and in reality they do. The financial stress has been lifted and we are so grateful in these economic times.

Unemployed

2010-01-07T17:49:00.000-08:00

Well folks, you've probably guessed by the title...I am unemployed. At least I'm not homeless...at least not yet. I could be if I don't find a job.

So this is my frustration. I have spent thousands of dollars and 7 years of my life pursuing my "higher" education. I now have a bachelors and master's degree but still no high paying job.

Why did everyone lie to me as a youth and tell me school was important? I'll admit that I feel I developed some skills through my education...

1. How to meet unrealistic deadlines.

The answer is to stay up all hours of the night with a Mountain Dew Code Red and a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos

2. The influence of Cardiac Output on Oxygen Uptake Kinetics

Please email me if you'd like to read a copy of my thesis. A very lengthy paper on a subject matter almost no body in the world know the least bit about except those 30 other authors on my reference page.

3. How to procrastinate the day of my graduation and the inevitable job search.

I may have been made fun of as "4th" year graduate student in a 2 year program, but this was perhaps the best move I ever made! I stayed employed by the university for about $30/hr teaching people how to take power naps and touch their toes.

Okay, enough of that. But seriously I have been applying to entry level positions paying $9/hr. I made more when I graduated high school! However that's not even the worst part...I have yet to even establish an interview for any of these entry level positions.

Can I drive the point home a little more? Today I decided to apply to be a temporary US census worker. I have to take a test which asked me to alphabetize works, add numbers, and determine how many houses were on a block by looking at a very simplistic map. Yes, degrading. The worst part of this embarrassing escapade was I ran into someone I knew! A fellow BYU graduate who informs me he has been unemployed for the past year! What is up?

If you happen to have completed reading my complaints please do not tell me to pursue my PhD at this time. Although it may improve my odds at employment that's another five years of Chili Cheese Fritos and I'm not sure my body could hack it.

2009-12-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

Through my teaching experience at BYU I often find myself questioning how a number of the students in my classes

a) even got accepted to BYU, and
b) how they pass their other classes???

Let me share...

For my swimming classes the students are required to write a two page paper explaining how to do two of the four competitive strokes and also mention two drills that have helped them improve each stroke. (I did not make up with these assignments ...it's a department course syllabus)

Anyhow these excerpts from two papers I received, my comments in red;

"Since this paper has no argument, thesis or analysis to present, we're going to assume that informal is okay, and go from there. I will now describe Freestyle and some accompanying drills, followed immediately by a repeat performance featuring the backstroke.Ready, go! ...

(He proceeds to spout off some incorrect information about Freestyle)...With the legs, one does what is called a "Scissor Kick" to propel oneself through the water... (NOOOO!!! This is probably why your swimming STINKS...you do not listen or implement anything I've tried to teach you. Freestyle is swam with a flutter kick! It is NOT the same thing. He concludes talking about backstroke)...

A great way to improve technique is to wait until the pushing arm has returned to one's side before lifting the other arm. It, uh, improves technique. Yup. One can also swim on one's side with the top arm to the side and the lower arm extended in front, in order to , uh, improve, uh, one's torso rotation...ability. Yes. And that is the end of the paper. The End." Holy crap kid, you're in college! I don't care if it is a paper for a half credit PE class. Please reserve verbal pauses and "..." for blogs and emails, and futhermore you have completely solidified the fact that you don't know what you're talking about! Weird. That's all I can say.

Okay, this next paper screams illiterate freshman or something? Enjoy the introduction.

"During the summers, community swimming pools are completely crowded. There are people swimming laps, leaping off diving boards, and sliding down slides. The crazy crowds die down once Fall and Winter hit; except for the few athletes that stay behind. Swimming is an addictive sport, it exercises almost every muscle in the human body when properly performed. There are four main strokes invovled: backstroke, breaststoke, butterfly, and freestlye." Um, what the crap??? I'm no english major but what the heck do crowded swimming pools and crazy crowds have to do with your butterfly technique. Ha, ha...I seriously had to re-read the intro like twice to see if I missed some type of transition or parallel.

Today....

2009-12-04T10:58:00.000-08:00

I defend!!! Actually by the time most of you read this it will be over. I defend my master's thesis in 1 hour and yes I am slightly nervous. But extremely thrilled...there were several times when I doubted if I would ever make it to this day. I definitely took my time but none the less here I am. Hopefully I will join the ranks of young Luke Skywalker and you may shortly call me, Master Crystelle.

Newly Weds

2009-10-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd post some pictures from our honey moon and other adventures lately. For those who don't know we went to the beautiful island of Kauai. Behold.

This next photo pretty much sums up the vacation... nothing better than lounging on baby floaty's at the hotel pool!

We soon became masters of the grill and enjoyed fine dining as a result!

This is me about to face a 250 ft stretch of zipline...the second of seven ziplines we did that day.

Check out Chris' action photography as he speeds down the line, ha, ha!

We had to try just about every flavor of gelato before making a decision. You will also note the lack of effort gone into doing my hair, it's useless when you get in the water every couple of hours.
We were privileged to behold the the wild life on the isle.

And guava was found in abundance out in the jungle.

We were greeted with a lovely Hawain Luau back in California upon our return home thanks to Chris' parents.

This is our old and beloved first dining room table featuring udon noodles and spinach salad. My brother and sister in law got us these awesome ramen bowls for our wedding complete with chopsticks and adorable little cherry blossom chopstick holders. YUM!

Our second weekend at home we didn't just hiked, but backpacked up Timpanogos with some of Chris' old college roommates and their wives. All in all it was pretty difficult but definitely worth it! You can't see stars like that from down in the valley.

We were also lucky enough to stumble upon some hunters and their prized mountain goat!! If you zoom in on this baby you can see the blood dripping from the goat's nose onto the hem of that dude's pants. Sweet!

We have continued our grilling tradition... a homemade fire roasted tomatoe onion soup.

A little mud mask rest and relaxation to counteract the stress of school.

That about sums things up!

Behold the Alleged Mosquito Bite!

2009-10-21T11:52:00.001-07:00

Might I remind you I did not lay so much as a finger nail on that thing...literally!

Police Beat

2009-10-14T13:05:00.001-07:00

I apologize I have not yet posted the picture of my allergic reaction to the West Nile assailant. And for those asking for wedding pictures I have not gotten those back yet either. Thank you for your interest. In other interesting news and for those of you who have been out of the BYU scene for a while let me fill you in on the latest Police Beat. That's right, BYU is a hub of suspicious activity and disorderly conduct so much so that it warrants a special section of the Daily Universe every Wednesday.

I will share with you the highlights from today's paper, my own commentary in red:

SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY

October 6th: A suspicious looking backpack and lunch box were reported to be on Maeser Hill. Police came, but they did not find anything.

Seriously? No, seriously?? No worries, there were only about four other reports in which the police arrived only to find no signs of anything suspicious. Perhaps the best was when a snake, thought to be a common garter snake, was spotted on a walk way on the south end of campus. There was no sign of the snake when police arrived. Who is calling and reporting such nonsense? Throw a rock at the snake and it'll slither back where it came from! Did you actually expect the snake to wait around until officers arrived? Glad the police are staying so busy.

THEFT

October 6th: A bike was stolen from a woman at her home in Provo a few months ago. She found it at the Tanner Building and stole it back. She left a note for the thief to give her a call, but she did not receive one.

Ha, ha...is this not funny to anyone else? Why did she want the thief to call her?? I wouldn't give a thief my phone number.

DISORDRLY CONDUCT

October 4th: The Wyview Park apartments has ongoing criminal mischief under investigation. Someone keeps spreading things such as wet cat food, dish soap and peanut butter on people's doors using a toilet plunger.

How do they know they are using a toilet plunger?? Is the plunger left as well? Does the suspect keep buying new plungers every night?

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Chris and I like to make up our own police beats just for fun. For example:

DISORDERLY CONDUCT:

October 14th: A BYU student was walking home from school along 800 North. A car drove by and a passenger in the vehicle threw something out the window. The foreign projectile hit the BYU student in the face. When officers arrived on scene the car was not to be found. The missile was believed to be a Skittle. No injuries were sustained by the victim of the drive by.

Oh wait...that really happened!! Who reports a drive by Skittling??

September 5th: A student's bike was stolen from the RB bike racks. The student reportedly locked his bike up at the end of April before leaving to do summer sales in California. When the student returned to school in September the bike was not to be found.

Never mind, we don't have to make this stuff up...people are actually that stupid. This was actually from one of the newspapers as well. Yo dummy, you're bike was probably impounded by the school. You can't leave your bike for 4 months and expect it to be waiting for you when you get back!

Sweet Nectar

2009-09-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may not know, I have some type of strange succulent sweet nectar flowing through my veins. Seriously folks, where ere there be a mosquito he will find me. When no one else gets any mosquito bites in the evening I usually get about five.

So anyway, two days before my bridals I was accosted by my arch enemy... the mosquito. I vowed not to give that mosquito the satisfaction of watching me scratch that bite. It took every ounce of self restraint, but knowing my pictures were up and coming I did not scratch.

Ironically when I woke up in the morning this is what I found. The fruits of my efforts had NOT been rewarded!!

(picture coming)

All I have to say is Benadryl. And being doped up on that for a day wasn't a pretty site either.

Bridals

2009-09-02T11:08:00.001-07:00

Sorry I've been MIA forever and then some. I've been busy planning my wedding and trying to keep my head above water :) Here is a peak at some of my bridals. Stay tuned for my monster mosquito bite!

The soft smile

Out in nature...

that shot was actually taken at the edge of a parking lot and I'm pretty much standing on a couple of beer cans.

Off with the shoes!

The bouquet I kept fretting over.

I like to call this the Jane Austin backdrop.

Frolicking!

Rustic fence post.

Laughing hysterically...when I did that the photographer said, "Woah, do that scrunchy thing with your nose again." (Chris' favorite picture)

Toe shot.
My mother said, "good thing your toes were done", ha, ha... as if it was by accident.
Also I was thrilled with the purchase of my shoes for only $16 at Target!

Photos

2009-05-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

Hey friends,
Me and Chris posed as the "models" for a photography class. For those who know, the girl teaching it was actually an old friend of some of the Ivy's from Helaman Halls. You can check out our pictures on her blog here.

I was so impressed with Chris. Without me even asking he dropped off his shirts to the dry cleaners to be starched and pressed, he got a hair cut, he showed up on time, and didn't complain about having his picture taken! Having grown up with three brothers I am still in shock!

Back From the Surgeon and Tonsil Free

2009-04-22T16:06:00.000-07:00

This is me in all my glory post surgery.

I was very anxious to bring you pictures of my new throat! So don't scroll down if you don't want to see. But you can definitely read my run down of the surgery.

I arrived at the surgical center nice and early at 8am. After some paper work I stripped down to my skiv-vies...(cotton panties) and put on my XXXL hospital gown. I have to say it was a little exciting never having had surgery before...but at the same time I was scared. I didn't let myself dwell on it too much. The nurse didn't get a good stick in my arm the first time so re stuck my hand. She felt so bad about it but it was no big deal to me. It felt like a full circle moment after all that I've put my research subjects through...giving a urine sample, sticking their arm a few times, making them take their clothes off and run around in spandex shorts.

After a few minutes Chris said goodbye and the anesthesiologist and scrub nurse wheeled me down the hall. It felt just like ER...my eyes got a little moist leaving Chris but I held it together. The operating room was HUGE, but the little operating table was narrow. I had to fold my arms across my stomach or they would fall off the sides of the table! I wonder how anyone bigger than me would lay on the table? It was also very cold.

The anesthesiologist was very nice and social. The surgeon was kinda anti-social...not mean, but just interested in getting down to business. That's okay, I myself am not always a people person...I understand. They first put some lidocaine in my IV to numb my arm...it didn't work very well because when he put the other drugs in my arm hurt so bad! I was unaware that happened but seriously the pain was quite intense. They told me to count down from 10 and see how far I got. I thought to myself, "I better count slow because it doesn't seem like anything is happening". I think I got to 5...that stuff is amazing!

After the surgery and 45 minutes into recovery I woke up. My eye lids felt very heavy and I was having a hard time opening them. I thought I had a down blanket over me but it was really this cool blanket that looked like large air packing space fillers you put in boxes you're shipping. The blanket was being filled with warm air...most excellent. I wouldn't mind having one of those on my bed at home. Super light weight but still warm and toasty!!

For some reason the meds made me a bit emotional. As soon as the nurse left my side I started with the erratic breathing that accompanies uncontrollable crying. There were no tears but it took me a while to calm myself down. I kept asking myself, "Why are you crying? You're not even in pain, you're totally fine". I felt like I was being a big baby and I did not want to be that weird scared hysteric patient. (I've broken down in uncontrollable sobbing about 8 times today...poor Chris) The doctor came and asked me how I was doing and I asked him two questions:

1. Was I a good patient? I think this caught him off guard and somewhat strange. In retrospect I guess it is?? (I'm sure he'd lie to me even if I wasn't but for some reason this is important to me. It makes me feel sensible and tough.)

2. Did you remove my adenoids? Yes, he did. He said they were a bit scarred up, the left one especially! He asked if the left tonsil usually swelled up more than the right? Why yes, this was indeed the case. In loving memory of my golf ball sized tonsils I have re posted my first concomitant infection of Step Throat and Mono from Nov 07, you'll see what I mean...check out ol' lefty.

They finally brought Chris back it was so good to see him. He was such a sweetheart. He spoon fed me a snack pack chocolate pudding cup and refilled my ice water about seven times. I think it took me about twenty minutes to eat that little pudding.

I've been feeling pretty good today Unfortunately all the nurses kept telling me I can expect to feel progressively worse as the days go by up until about day 5. Wah! I'm scared to go to bed tonight. The meds are however making me nauseous and I ending up throwing up about a liter of ice water this afternoon. Since I had drank so much water there was no acidity and it didn't hurt my throat at all!

That's it for now...except for something weird happened. Check out the picture when I just got home from the clinic. See my uvula? Now check out the picture I just took several hours later in the evening...I was searching frantically for my uvula in the mirror...I couldn't find it!! Then I realized it is the massive slug like protuberance slowly inflating in my throat!!! It has for some reason it has bloated to about 4-5 times it's original size! Enjoy or don't enjoy the pictures. Scroll down...

Okay in loving memory of my blasted tonsils behold the reason I got them removed! This was actually taken in like Jan/Feb '08...the second attack. Just some virus following the first mono/strep incidence.

This is right after I got home from the clinic around noon today. Please note my adorable little uvula hanging down in the middle of the photo...you know, your hangy down ball thingy. Those massive holes to either side are the void of my tonsils and adenoids.

Okay not check out those red dots spots above my large holes...they have gotten increasingly red. I think maybe that's where he gave me shots of lidocaine?? I really have no idea. Now check out my nasty slug of a uvula! I can't even locate the bottom of it looking in the mirror!! I hope I don't suffocate tonight. Pretty gruesome eh? I'll keep you updated.

However I have to admit it's pretty nice being spoon fed and tucked into bed like a baby my sweet fiance!

Going Under the Knife and Wedding Plan Updates

2009-04-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

GOING UNDER THE KNIFE:

I'm getting my tonsils removed tomorrow morning. Yes, I am nervous...not for the procedure but for the ensuing pain to follow. Actually I'm quite curious about the surgery. I wish there was some way I could consciously watch the procedure but still be under the magnificent powers of general anesthesia. Seriously, aren't you curious as to what your removed tonsils and adenoids look like? I am. If I could, I'd keep them in a jar next to my wisdom teeth. Maybe I should incinerate them and keep the ashes...ha, ha. JK

And now I shall quote directly from the pre-operative information sheet. (okay not directly because I don't have it with me at the moment...I'll paraphrase)

Expect a sharp down hill spiral in you recovery 3-4 days following the surgery. It will feel like someone has taken a sharp knife to the back of your throat, oh wait...WE DID. You may also experience a foul odor and taste accompanying your agonizing pain. Your attempts to shut out the stench with Listerine shall be futile as the swift burn to your open wounds will be more than mere mortals can endure...don't plan on kissing your fiance for at least a week :(

Sound like fun?? Yeah I didn't think so...so STOP telling me it's going to be awesome because I can eat ice cream. Guess what, I can already eat ice cream, I've been eating it since I was two! Besides, I getting married in August and the last thing I want on my conscious is a half gallon of rocky road ice cream!

WEDDING PLAN UPDATES:

Which leads me to wedding plans. Planning a wedding is NOT fun!

a) Deadlines...to be more exact the deadline of all deadlines August 15th! Obviously I am anxious to get married. But all the stuff I have to do before then feels like an 18 credit semester of marriage prep!

b) Planning a wedding might be fun...but planning a wedding on a budget is not fun! It's hard.

c) Dress shopping is the worst! You know when you go shopping for something specific like a brown knit vest to go over your blue and white striped button up shirt? Do you think you're going to find exactly what you're looking for? NO...it's a universal law of shopping! Of course you will find many other great things but not what you're looking for...and if by chance you get lucky you will realize it's $150.00 at Banana Republic, all for a dumb vest! Yeah, that's what dress shopping feels like...I have to buy a white dress that I'm supposed to look exquisite in! So far it ain't happening.

But I don't want to be a total downer...it will make Chris feel bad, and probably my mom too. We have pinned down the location of our reception, our photographer, and our honey moon destination. So some progress is better than none right! Besides, I'm a self proclaimed procrastinator so I'm sure it'll all come together in the end.

My boyfriend bought me a ring!

2009-03-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am slacker. Or as Yoda would say...slacker I am. The rumors are true I am officially engaged. It is a miracle even I thought would never happen :) ...and yes, to the very same boyfriend who did not care for my body spray.

Background deets on the fiance:

For those who don't know I met Chris in my research lab. He came in to earn $50 by sacrificing his body to science. Needless to say he thought I was totally cute from the start. As I was verbally encouraging Chris to run through the next stage of his VO2 max test one of the Doctoral students said, "yeah, if you make it to the next stage Crystelle will go on a date with you". I started blushing when I glanced over at Chris and he pretended to start running faster in order to secure a date with me. I was totally embarrassed!! Here I was trying to act all professional and scientific like and it was being turned into some flirt fest!

Well, shortly after this incidence Chris approached my friend Stephanie and told her he was interested in asking me out. Stephanie agreed to "feel out the situation"...which just meant she'd just ask me if I was interested. Seriously, boys are so naive.

To be honest I was having a bit of a stress disorder at this time in my life...please see my previous post on trench mouth for details. I wasn't opposed to going out, it was just bad timing. I was slaving like 14 hours a day in the lab and having sporadic emotional break downs. But being a 25 year old single co-ed at BYU did I really have a choice?? So Stephanie gave Chris the green light.

On Chris's next visit to the lab he attempted to strike up a conversation with me about snow boarding. I was pretty sure he wanted to ask me out but I was just not feeling it at the moment. So I played the avoidance card. I started acting distracted and busy with my research. Yeah, he basically didn't think I was very cool at this point...and lets be honest I wasn't.

Christmas break came and went and for whatever reason when we got back to school Chris still wanted to ask me out! He started to gmail chat with my friend Steph one day as I was working in the lab. He told Stephanie he's like to take me snow shoeing. I told Stephanie to tell Chris, "she'd probably really like that." I proceeded to direct the conversation from Stephanie's end un-beknown to Chris. By the end of the conversation I had set of a lovely double date with my best friend and knew Chris would be calling to ask me out later that day. Go me! I must say he was quite fooled by my acting skills as he called later that day I pretended to be totally in the dark.

So there you have it. We went snow shoeing on our first date...it was awesome. The only weird thing was he was still my research subject. When he came into the lab three days after our first date I had to ask him to take his shirt off and provide me with a small urine sample in order to ensure his hydration status! Don't worry, I played it off very professionally. From then on we went on a couple more dates spaced a few days apart. Chris finished my research study and then kept frequenting the lab to say hi. We were pretty much inseparable by the fourth date.

Chris proposed by sending me on a totally cute little scavenger hunt. I was supposed to meet him at his apartment for dinner but instead I found his roommate with a rose and a message leading me to the research lab where we first met. Once I got the rose I knew Chris was proposing. After all we had already picked out a ring together, I caught him in the act of sneaking my father's phone number, and I knew he was chomping at the bit to pop the question. I proceeded over to the research lab where I met my roommate Annie with another rose and clue. Her note sent me to the grocery store as it holds some sentimental value for our early courtship...Chris being sick...then me being sick...then Chris being sick again...then me being sick again. Stephanie and her husband met me by the cough syrup.

You may ask yourself what I was thinking at this point. It was like I was being proposed to in slow motion...it was happening but very slowly!! I had a 10 minute commute between destinations and still no Chris or ring! The nerves finally got to me and I had stop and use the restroom at Macey's. Not because I had to go to the bathroom...just out of fear I might wet my pants when I finally saw Chris and he got down on one knee.

The next destination was Goodwood BBQ, the location of our first date. Here I was given the clue to my final location. Southfork park up Provo Canyon. We had gone snow shoeing there on Valentines day and it is serenely located in the mountains. As I was driving up the canyon I kept thinking:

"This is so surreal, what should I be doing? Should I be crying? Perhaps it's a little premature for that and I don't want to force the tears, I think those should come naturally. Well, what should I be listening to? Surely not Lady Gaga...she will NOT be the soundtrack to my engagement!"

Well after changing the radio station about 15 times I decided Lady Gaga WAS the soundtrack to my engagement because there was nothing else worth listening to and I felt awkward turning the radio off. Luckily half way up the canyon Beyonce's new song Halo came on and then the radio cut out.

Finally I turned into the parking lot of Southfork. I was frantically searching for his car or perhaps a candle lit dinner? I found neither but finally spotted a lone ranger standing by the side of the road. It was Chris, I pulled over and gave him a hug. He took me on a little walk through the park to a little footbridge where a bouquet of flowers awaited me with one more card. As I read thought it the water works started and when I finished Chris got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It was totally sweet. We relished the moment with hot chocolate and a blanket in the grass. It was perfect.

Behold the Ring:

So there you go. Sorry this was a very long post I will try to frequent some shorter nonsense in the near future. Sonja's got the wheels a turning in my head from all her postage.

My Boyfriend Thinks I Stink

2009-02-20T13:42:00.000-08:00

This is my newest favorite scent from Bath & Body Works...Black Amethyst...check it out.

Okay people, we have a topic to address. Let me fill you in on the situation...

As some of you know I have been dating a really great guy as of late. Last night, as we were on our way out, I mentioned that he smelled really good. I was quite taken back when he quickly responded with a slight tone of concern, "Oh, is it my shampoo or cologne? Is it too strong? I hate when smells are too strong." To which I responded, " Well, without sniffing you like a dog I'm not sure that I can distinguish if it's your shampoo or cologne. And I wouldn't have complimented you if I thought it was too strong...it's good".

Then I secretly had a waive of concern flood my thoughts...

Uh, I can barely catch a whiff of Chris unless I take a deep breath...I'm sure he used like one spritz of cologne at most, perhaps even a half spritz if that's possible. When I use body spray or perfume I use at a minimum three pumps...perhaps more. I mean especially body spray which is less concentrated than perfume...let's be honest, if I use only one pump, within two hours I don't think any one's going to smell anything. If Chris is afraid he smells too strongly I've definitely far surpassed a faint scent. I like people to catch a whiff when in a relatively close proximity without having to give me a close and lingering embrace. Anyhow, is Chris totally over powered when I wear perfume?

A second hint of evidence:
Once we arrived at my friend Stephanie's house the topic of conversation again turned to smells. Chris noted that he is particularly sensitive to smells especially as of late, (he's been sick). So much so that the box of dryer sheets lingering in his closet had to be removed from his bedroom in order to avoid induction of the gag reflex.

Hmmm...I'm thinking I wear a little too much scent for his taste. As I reflected more on the topic I do recall finding it odd that Chris has never told me I smelled good??? Not to be conceded but I really do like my body spray and pride myself on smelling good.

Well, if you know me at all you can probably guess what came next...that's right people, rarely can I avoid a good and pressing CONFRONTATION. So I asked Chris last night, "So uh...do I wear too much perfume? I mean, does it totally overpower you?" There was no need for a verbal response because the pained wince upon his face said it all! And a confession soon followed, "Sorry, don't hate me but I really don't like any of your body sprays".

Wow, uh...thanks for tip toeing around the issue! Jk...naturally I cannot be offended. I mean seriously, Chris can't help the fact that he is repulsed by my scent, just like I can't force myself to laugh at something that's not funny. I'm more just super bummed and slightly embarrassed. Here I am trying to allure my boyfriend by my sweet smelling nectar and now I'm having visuals of him running home to shower and strip himself of his contaminated clothing. It's like I've been hosing myself down with insect repellent before we go on a date! I mean seriously...he does NOT like the way I smell.

Not a big deal...except for the fact I really like the way I smell and I don't want to give it up! Furthermore I am now feeling rather self conscious...does he like the way I dress? What about my make-up? Are my eyebrows plucked too thin? Does this shirt accentuate my luv handles? Do I smack my food when I eat? Do you like my hair color? Do you the way I style my hair?

Obviously I'm going a little overboard...I mean, he must like something about me right? After all it was him who asked me out first!

Well, we're going to go scent shopping together to see if we can't find something we both like. I'm not too optimistic but I'll let you know how it goes. In a form of subtle rebellion and retaliation I dowsed myself in my favorite scent before heading to the dance last night and was not disappointed to receive many compliments :)

Has this or anything similar happened to any of you? If so how did you resolve your dilemma? Oh, and do any of you like Sensual Amber from Bath & Body Works?? Because I love that smell and it's perhaps the one Chris hates most.

One more thing...

2009-02-12T12:13:00.000-08:00

I forgot a few of my quirks:

I don't like drinking water out of a mug. SICK...it literally doesn't taste as good. This goes the opposite direction as well, hot chocolate out of a plastic cup...I don't know if I've tried it but I don't think I want to!

Also can we address picky eaters? This is a definite pet peeve of mine...don't like them. And when people won't try new foods! Don't get me started...buck up and take it like a man! How do you know you don't like it if you're not willing to give it a try. Plus, isn't curiosity killing you? It's not like I'm asking you to eat something off fear factor that still has a beating heart! Sheesh!!

Okay, that concludes this session.

Make-up, hair, the whole nine yards.

2009-01-27T07:47:00.000-08:00

Okay, once again my aunt's blog has led me to post...I can't refrain from expressing my view points on the a fore mentioned daily rituals imposed and demanded of by society.

The question of interest was, "I decided that if I feel like I look better with it on--and I must since I wear it when I dress up--why would I not want to try and look better all the time?

I'll tell you why, it's a pain in the butt to look your best all the time. It's TIME consuming. For any of my male readers...(assuming I have any)...let me list for you the crap a girl must go through to always be looking her best.

Make-up, hair (this includes wash, blow dry, and straighten/curl), and the whole nine yard. Let me expound on the whole nine yards....plucking your eye brows on a daily basis, shaving your legs, pits, and other area when necessitated by bathing suits, picking out clothes, picking out accessories...I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting.

All this and we haven't even discussed "fat days". Fat days are an unexplainable phenomenon that happens quite frequently. Let me explain...that oh so flattering and adorable outfit you wore two weeks ago and planned to wear again for church this morning is suddenly making you look like a frumpy cow!!! What gives??? Maybe if you just change your top...okay that didn't work but six shirts later you found one that looks decent. But now your skirt doesn't really go with it. Then we have the question of boots or heels? Brown or cream socks, nylons or no nylons, big or small earrings, belt or no belt, vest or no vest, the list is almost indefinite and now you must decide to pull your hair back, wear it curly or straight, head band or no head band...I'm exhausted just typing about it all!

Can you even imagine what my room looks like now?? But there is no time to pick up because I've already made myself late to whatever function I was getting ready for! And by the time I come home from dancing at 1 am I am much too tired to hang up the massacre of clothes on my bed. Thus I gather them in my arms and plop them on the floor. I would pick them up in the morning but I've already hit the snooze three times and have about T-2 seconds to get my butt to school! Which leads me to the fact I clean my room at least once or twice a week but it always looks like a mess?

Stupid Oprah!! That's right, I watched an episode a few years ago in which Oprah said you have to always look your best. Whether you're running to the grocery store for a nasal decongestant or going out on the town because you never know when you're going to meet "Mr. Right". Well guess what Big O., Mr. Right ain't right unless he loves me when I look like butt too! Okay, I realize I'm getting carried away. That is all.

Idiosyncrasies and the Big 30

2009-01-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

In reviewing my blogging history I noted this is officially my 30th post!! Wow, that seems like of lot of nonsense I've published. Anyhow the inspiration for this post came from my aunt's new blog in which she recently posted on her OCD idiosyncrasies regarding her hygienic behavior. Another great feature is her post on the physiological under pinnings of the Japanese Body Type. I highly recommend this read to everyone!!

Any who...I thought I'd fill you in on some of my own personal idiosyncrasies...for your reading pleasure, and also because I know they will drive my aunt crazy! Personally I find this type of information fascinating...(Steve, I would thoroughly enjoy reading about your OCD behavior). Okay, here we go...

1. I floss my teeth before I brush...I think I used to be the opposite but I think it makes sense this way. I like to get the gunk out from between and then clean everything out. I don't want anything flinging off the floss into my freshly brushed mouth! Think about it...

2. I prefer to rinse with warm water when brushing my teeth. That's right, warm water. I'll admit there was a time in my life when such a thought revolted me! But out of curiosity I had to try it. Yes, there is a certain minty freshness that accompanies a cold water rinse. But there is less of a sting and no sensitivity to luke warm water! Yummy!

3. In response to Sonja's post...I don't think I have a set order when it comes to washing the face and brushing the teeth.

4. I definitely DON'T wash my hair every day. Well, sometimes I do...and I will admit I love having freshly washed hair. But it's mega booty work...and not always practical. Monday, that's a definite NO. First of all you just washed your hair on Sunday, and because it's the day of rest and it's not like it got sweaty! Depending on what you decide to do Monday that may extend to Tuesday as well. Lest you think I'm a wretched dirty mongrel by now I will inform you I still shower my body, wash my face twice a day, wear clean clothes, and wear deodorant. And I've become quite obsessed with always washing my feet in the bathtub before slipping into my sheets.

Besides, there is nothing better than being complimented on "left overs". That's what I call my hair the second and third day out. Luckily I've been blessed with non greasy hair. In fact sometimes I prefer day 2 to day 1...a little less frizzy, a little more sheen giving it that healthy glow :) Okay...I could go on...I'll refrain for now.

5. Some people in my family prefer left over dinner for breakfast...we're talking reheat a piece of lasagna or how bout some cold salmon, sushi, and soy sauce! Let me just say, this does NOT bode well with me. There are just some foods not meant for human consumption that early in the morning.

6. Cereal must be consumed as soon as milk is poured onto it.

7. Salads that have been mixed with dressing are NOT to be saved and eaten as left overs! SICK...wilted lettuce is disgusting. When ordering a salad at Cafe Rio I advise you to only pour dressing on half the lettuce or else eat all the lettuce and take the rice, beans, and meat home as left overs...or just eat the whole thing at once. (depends if you want to feel completely over indulgent and sick after you eat?) I thought of the soggy tortilla is also a little revolting but still pretty tasty when reheated.

8. The smell of left overs in the car is enough to invoke the gag reflex...(yes, I know one person who actually enjoys this smell!) This is actually a strange phenomenon...I mean the smell of food cooking over the open flame of a stove or wafting out of the oven is inviting. But opening the fridge or the car door after a dinner and a movie is just plain wrong!

9. Feet are dirty. Indeed some may say I have a phobia of feet...I would disagree. If you would like to massage or touch my feet...be my guest, I find this quite enjoyable. But PLEASE do not expect me to reciprocate! I would appreciate if you kept your nasty toes to yourself. Okay, under certain circumstances I may make exceptions...if you have just washed your feet, you appear to be free of any type of toe nail fungi and athletes foot, no bunions or corns, or open sores, I may consider touching your feet. If you are a baby or my niece or nephew I may even LOVE your tiny soft feet. If you are my brother I will NEVER touch your feet!

10. I prefer my hot apple pie, brownies, and warm cookies not to touch my ice cream. It detracts from the warmth and makes them soggy. I do however like Oreo's dipped in milk, and milk on the side of brownies and hot cookies. Root beer floats are usually better separate as well. I enjoy how the root beer crystallizes on the ice cream...but that murky root beer once the ice cream is gone!!! SICK!

Okay, this list could go on indefinitely...and I'm not sure I'm actually entertaining anyone but myself. If you have any oddities of your own, please do share!

A Lack of Energy

2009-01-06T17:04:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just lack the energy to do anything...so instead you sit around and do nothing?

For instance I am stuck in a chair right now in my office because I lack the energy to brave the mile long walk to my car in the snow. And once I arrive at my car, because I have lacked the energy to go buy a snow brush, (who knows where the one from last winter went?? it will most likely show up sometime along with three others and then I'll have four when all I need is one!!), I will have to scrape my car off with my arm...and undoubtedly will get snow up my jacket sleeve. Then I will have to wait for twenty minutes for the heater in my car to start working. And after driving in second gear all the way out to north/west Orem (I like to remind people I live in an entirely different city!) because the roads are so slick, and the Smurf mobile likes to fishtail, I will arrive at my home 40 minutes later. Upon arrival I will have to search the streets for a suitable parking spot, one I can assuredly not get stuck in over night. Then I'll have to muster up the will to leave the warm vehicle and brave to cold icy sidewalks. After lugging all my bags into the house i'll stand face to face with the lack of energy to make dinner...

And that is why I continue to waste time sitting here...because the alternative...although inevitable, does not sound very inviting.

This is the very same dilemma I face every night as I have to get ready to go to bed. I can't even bare to outline all the steps I must follow before flopping my head onto my pillow. Which is why I stay up too late night after night and feel exhausted the next day when I have to get up early.

Someone help me break free of the insanity!!! :)

Trench Mouth

2008-12-30T21:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, for those who don't know...I finally proposed! Although I sometimes come off as a strong headed opinionated feminist of sorts, I'm not talking marriage proposal here. I finally proposed my literature review and research topic to my committee of professors and obtained approval from the school to start collecting data for my thesis! It only took me three years...but I'm already a self proclaimed slacker face, so it's cool. (and yes, please add slacker face, jerk face, idiot face, dummy head etc. to your verbal repertoire as I use them quite commonly)

So after a slightly sweat breaking presentation to a group of professors from our department...here is a photo of Stephanie and I showing off our signatures.

Seeing as Stephanie decided to be all grown up and get married in February...she was quite anxious to get started on our data collection. (Despite all sarcastic remarks I will be eternally indebted to Stephanie for pushing me to actually accomplish work on my master's thesis) Being naive and over zealous, we scheduled no fewer than 5 subjects for our very first day of lactate threshold testing.

Note: when doing research plan on every possible worst case scenario taking place

As is the nature of research for everything to go drastically wrong...our first day in the lab was no disappointment. The day started off around 6:30 am. Testing out my new found phlebotomy skills was stressful in and of itself...and although I find myself quite adept in the area of sticking needles in people's veins, I was not without fault a time or two.

Secondly we managed to pick the world's most pansy butt boys for our study. Okay, that is a bit harsh, but literally as soon as we got our first guy up and running on the treadmill in the midst of blood samples every three minutes, I went to check on the second subject who was supposed to be watching tv for 30 mins. He reported he was feeling slightly light headed after looking down at the venous catheter I so expertly placed in his antecubital vein. Thus, I decided to help him to a chair to sit down and no sooner found Stephanie rushing to my aid as he fainted in my arms!

To make a long story a bit shorter...the blood analyzing took us longer than expected and after a grueling 14 hours in the lab with no stops for food or drink we headed home around 9pm, discouraged and dreading the next day. The fun continued the rest of the week as we placed subjects on the underwater treadmill only to find their veins constricting in response to the cold...Anyhow, the whole point of this was we worked about 12-14 hours every day that week. Yeah, it pretty much sucked and things such as eating lunch or dinner kinda got pushed on the back burner.

Before I knew it I had lost five pounds and was experiencing a raging fever Friday afternoon. Yet we were in the midst of our last subject of the day and there was no one else that could step in and help Stephanie as it was past 5pm in the evening. Thus I stayed in the lab and sat in a chair, (for lack of strength to stand), bundled up in my winter jacket because I was freezing cold and pipeted those stupid blood samples! As I contemplated having to come back the next day, Saturday, to work in the lab another 6 hours in addition to having to attend my friend's bridal shower and go to salsa rehearsal while feeling like crap I could not stop the tears from streaming down my face! Meanwhile it was Stephanie's birthday and she too had been laboring for about 12 hours that day! Yes, that week was filled with many tears for the both of us...

Additionally I had noticed something strange about my gums...they seemed really tender. In fact when I stopped to eat an apple for lunch on Friday they started bleeding when I bit into it. By Saturday morning they were all swollen and red and it hurt to brush my teeth. Sunday was worse and I found I could not each anything without excruciating pain in my gums...indeed they ached when I wasn't eating. I finally went into the doctor Monday morning was diagnosed with Acute Necrotizing Ulcerative Gingivitis (ANUG).

The doctor started me on penicillin and had me rinsing my mouth with hydrogen peroxide. Out of curiosity and skepticism as to whether she had correctly diagnosed my condition I looked up ANUG on the internet. It turns out it described my symptoms to a T! Fever, swollen gums,
lymph nodes, painful ulcers on the gums which may spread to lips and cheeks, concomitant viral infections, more common in young adults under the age of 35.

Apparently ANUG is caused when there are too many normal mouth bacteria. It can be triggered by emotional stress, poor nutrition, smoking, poor oral hygiene, or throat, tooth, or mouth infections. This lovely disease is also commonly referred to as Trench Mouth because many of the soldiers were afflicted with it during WWI. Because I have impeccable oral hygiene which has not changed...I self diagnosed the cause to be emotional stress. However a possibility exists I had another stupid viral infection in my tonsils which could have triggered it. By any means it was quite painful and lasted a full 10-13 days before my mouth fully recovered. As always...I couldn't resist taking a few pictures. So behold if you dare...the TRENCH MOUTH!

Okay, this is me, slighlty comparable to vampire if you will. Completely alluring from the outside appearance (okay, no I don't think I'm that cute but you get the point)...little do you know what lurks behind those lips.

Here the ulcers have so lovingly spread to my lip.

Okay, for those of you brave enough click on the image to really enlarge it. Please note the lining of my gums on my upper front teeth...yes, not smooth but rough. Please note all the white ulcers particularly noticable on the lower gums.

And this is what I got to wake up to quite frequently...blood clotted gums.

Oh, I managed to get about five canker sores on my tongue as well.

St. Georgeous

2008-10-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

So for whatever reason "Musings of a Mad Scientist" was not met with much enthusiasm? I personally find it fascinatingly revolting! So to spare all the weak stomached I shall post something else so we no longer have to view the beaker of mucousy gastric juice.

Due to my highly developed slacker skills I have many big things to write about and don't know where to start...

Let us travel back in time to the wee hours of the early morn on Oct 4, 2008. It was a cold and rainy morning down in St. George Utah as I loaded the bus at 5:20 am. I pondered the fact I hadn't trained for this marathon at all! Literally one eight mile run approximately 3 weeks before followed by some avid couch potato-ing down in Lake Powell. Upon my return I did one 15 mile run and then gave myself shin splints 5 days before by running a hasty 6 mile downhill loop. IDIOT! I was not looking forward to the run or post-run muscle soreness.

When we got off the bus we headed straightway for the Port-O-John's, I was pretty certain we would not get through the line before the gun sounded. As we waited in the dark and rainy chaos that ensued at the starting line, we we're informed by the announcer this was only the second time it had ever rained in the history of the St. George Marathon!! Lucky us!

As predicted the gun sounded for the start of the race. When I finally got to use the bathroom I realized the Port-O-Potty was fresh out of toilet paper...panic set-in!!

Let's think this through rationally, here are my options:

1. go searching for toilet paper before I drop my draws...well, seeing as there are like 20 people in line behind me it was unlikely I'd get my spot back...not an option

2. limit myself to going "numero uno" and save the rest for later...it's only 26.2 miles of misery...definitely not an option

That pretty much concluded the rational thinking portion. So I did what I had to do and resorted to using the cardboard toilet paper roll for all it was worth! After that I ran to drop off my sweats before heading to the starting line. Although the gun had already sounded, because of the great multitude of runners, many had not even crossed the starting line yet. I jumped in with the crowd and started the drudgery.

As we left the hustle and bustle of the start area we literally ran into a dark abyss. It is at this time you begin thinking to yourself..."I am certainly off my rocker! Why am I doing this? It's both weird and crazy!" And yet the crowds of mentally insane runners surrounding me, the darkness, the rain, the sounds of heavy breathing, shoes on the wet pavement, and Rihanna's latest hit "Disturbia" playing in my head phones filled me with excitement!

I originally started out with the four hour Cliff Bar pacer thinking, I'll keep up with this crowd until I can't hold on anymore. Yet the adrenaline rush in the first mile had me sprinting ahead and reevaluating my game plan...I'll run a little faster while I'm feeling good and then tag onto the group when I start to burn out.

Mile one passed very quickly as did mile two and three. By this point I could feel my shin splints starting to resurface and my calves felt tight. I knew I'd be okay for the first eight miles but was pretty sure I'd feel ready to throw in the towel by mile 13 and most definitely by mile 16. Mile thirteen came and went surprisingly fast! My split time was 1 hr 54 min. That's an 8:45 min average mile time. I must say I was somewhat frustrated with my time. I mean, I've run probably 8-9 half marathons in my day and my fastest one was only 1:50:00 with an average of around 1:54. So here I am running a 1:54 and I've got 13 more miles to go....obviously I could be running those halves much faster!! Argh.

Anyhow as I continued to run it continued to rain. I had been pretty much soaked to the bone by mile two but actually enjoyed the cool weather as I ran. I was shooting for consistent 9 minute miles by this point in the run. The funny thing was I kept coming in under nine and I daresay pretty close to eight minute miles. Eventually by mile 18 I somehow managed to figure I could finish the race pretty darn close to a 3:40... (For those who are unfamiliar that is the Boston Marathon qualifying time for women my age)...all I would have to do is run my last 6 miles each in 8 min flat!

It just so happened the play list on my ipod ended right after I had a glimpse of the Boston Marathon goal. Because of the rain and cold my ipod froze up, so I was going it alone the last six miles. All I can say is those last 6 miles were tough! Almost as mentally exhausting as they were physically. I knew I'd be cutting it close and there would be nothing worse than to miss the qualification time by 30 seconds!

Well, I know I pushed myself as hard as I could the last two miles. My calves were SO incredibly tight. Literally I felt like my calf muscle might rip out of my skin with every step and the jolt of my feet making contact with the ground sent a searing pain up my shins. I dashed across the finish line and stopped my wrist watch...3:40:07

Seven seconds over!!! Oh the agony...my only consolation was that I was done running. Well, the good new is these "Boston Marathon" folk realize that is a harsh reality for many...so they actually give you a 59 second allowance...which in short means...I qualified for the Boston Marathon!!!

Well, it literally took me a week to recover from the race. My friends got a good kick out of watching me try to go up and down stairs...but ultimately it was worth it. And not only did I qualify for the Boston but I ran a negative split running my fastest half marathon ever with a time of 1:46!!

All in all I have concluded I have not pushed myself hard enough in the past. Or perhaps all that salsa dancing has paid off in the cardiovascular department...or road biking :) Either way I've screwed my future running career as I now must beat a 3:40 in my next marathon and a 1:46 in my next half!

Woe is me!

Acknowledgments

I'd like to give a special thanks to the following individuals for keeping me company the first 18 miles of the marathon:

Rihanna
Chris Brown
Estelle
David Archuletta
Duffy
&
Katy Perry

Musings of a Mad Scientist

2008-10-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

Date: 19 October 2008

Room Temperature: 23 degrees C
Relative Humidity: 24%
Barometric Pressure: 659 mmHg

INTRODUCTION
Today's study is being used to measure the rate at which pickle juice empties from the stomach. Subjects will be suckered and bribed into the following procedures:

Upon entering the laboratory subjects will ingest 5 ml of water/kg body weight to ensure adequate hydration. After routine placement of a venous catheter and voiding of the bladder the real fun begins...

METHODS
Testing the Gag Reflex:
Subject will begin by testing their gag reflex by inserting a length of plastic NG tubing running through the nose and esophagus and into the stomach. In the event the subject is not man enough to swallow the NG tubing, subject will receive verbal hazing from all laboratory assistants before being dismissed from the study.

Testing the Gag Reflex of Lab Assistants:
When the NG tube has been placed a large syringe will be used to empty the contents of the stomach. All brown floaty gastric juice and foamy mucus is sucked from the stomach and collected in a beaker. This step is not only crucial for obtaining accurate measures of pickle juice concentration later on, but also tests the gag reflex of all lab assistants present.

In Case No One's Thrown Up Yet:
Once the subject's stomach has been emptied they will have 90 seconds to ingest anywhere from 500-700 ml of pickle juice. For those unfamiliar with standard units that's approximately a nice 20 oz. Big Gulp of straight up dill pickle juice!

I believe the look on Brett's face says it all.

However Dan's the one who actually managed to puke pickle juice all over his arm. And yes we had to measure and record the volume of his puke. Yummy!

The Cherry On-Top:
Following the ingestion of pickle juice the gastric contents of the stomach will be mixed by sucking pickle juice in and out of the subject's stomach via their NG tube.

You Really Thought the Fun was Over:
Once the subject is released from the laboratory they will be advised to drink plenty of water immediately to avoid a bad case of the runs...little do they know they will most likely get a bad case of the runs either way.

[ I'll spare you the picture on this one ]

Did I mention we pay $10/hr??

PS- if you haven't had your fill my friend Nate also made a great post on this one...check it out at The Book of Nate.

LOTOJA 2008

2008-09-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

Behold a photo documentary of our LOTOJA experience:

1 DAY

3 STATES

206 MILES

1000 CYCLISTS

Okay, that was a bit cheesy but you get the idea. Stephanie, Lauren, Angela, and I relayed a road race from Logan, UT to Jackson Hole, WY. It was tons of fun but very challenging.

We managed to SHOVE 2 bikes, a cooler, and four people into Annie's blazer! It was quite the squeeze...check out Steph and Brett in the back seat on the way upto Logan. Being advised Logan would be packed with people we thought it might be a better idea to catch dinner in Brigham City. Have you ever been to Brigham City?? Yeah, not the best idea. They have approximately two places to eat...Donna's Family Diner or Maddox. We choose Maddox and although it was around 7:30pm I felt like we were catching the Early Bird Special! I'm pretty sure the average age in Maddox was 65 yrs old.

After using half the salt shaker on my vege pasta we paid our bill and set out for Logan. My friend Annie's brother and sister in law were so gracious to let us crash at their place for the evening.

We woke up bright and early at 6:30am to meet Angela at the first exchange point. Brett decided to wake up with a little Rage Against the Machine...you'll also notice a box of wheat thins in the car. Some how those didn't last past 8am??? Weird.

I was the second rider, don't be fooled by the calm and collected look I'm pulling off in this photo. You will not be disappointed or surprised that I spent a good half hour whimppering about how nervous I was.

From left to right...Steph, Annie, Me

So that's what my butt looks like from behind...

...and here comes Angela handing off the first leg.

We were excited to run into our dear friend Jackie and her baby Jefferson supporting husband and father Jason. Jackie was such a trooper carting around Jefferson for 11 hours in the car and running to meet her husband with food and drink...wow!

Speaking of support crews we had quite the awesome support team ourselves! This is Annie (dear friend and fellow grad student) and Brett (dear friend and Steph's Boyfriend)...our support crew.

After 21 miles uphill and an additional 24 miles working downhill and flat I was definitely ready to hand off to Stephanie. Her and Semaj,(her bike) look rearing to go in this photo...

...and now the nerves have clearly set in.

Stephanie had a really tough leg of the race as well, riding the two steepest climbs in the race. I was not shocked to hear rummor of Steph pulling a pack of 15-20 guys for quite some time. For those unfamiliar with cycling the first person in a group of riders cuts wind for everyone else drafting. Normally a line of riders will rotate through pulling the pack because the first person does significantly more work. Stephanie on the other hand has some type of superhuman mutant gene which allows her legs to never get tired. Additionally she's not about to be out done by very many people...especially guys...and even more ESPECIALLY other girls!! Ha, ha...

The other riders clearly thought she was as crazy as I know her to be! Finally someone shouted, "Hey Red, you don't have to do all the work we can pull too!" After some convincing she finally let one other guy trade off in pulling the pack?? You're a POWERHOUSE Steph!! Stubborn too :)

Oh here's a great shot...it's an Asian tourist flashing the peace sign.

Annie was a little upset her and Brett weren't providing more "support"...although we were thrilled to have the company as well as the drivers. Anyhow, here is Brett supposedly helping me "fix" my bike. Nothing was actually wrong with it. Ironically just after this exchange I sent out the SOS text message...HELP, don't leave, we're at the start!! Lauren actually did run into a little problem with her tire and it's a good thing we had our support crew or we'd have been high and dry and just plain out of luck.

I decided I wan't to be as "hard core" as Stephanie who rode two legs of the race. One on her own and a second one with Angela. So I decided to ride the last 47 miles with Lauren.

Here's the hand off..that's Stephanie and Angela rolling in.

And that's Lauren and I taking off. Literally 1 minute later is when we realized something was funny with Lauren's tire. However it proved to be only a minor set back (15 minutes). Infact, I was a much bigger set back at this point in the game. I felt good about the first hour into the ride but then my legs decided to remind me I'm not Stephanie and they had already riden a hard 45 miles earlier in the day! We finally tagged onto the back of a pack of about 7 riders and it took all my energy just to hang on the back of the draft! The whole time my back was aching and my legs were so tired. I didn't think I'd be able to hang on much longer and kept thinking in my head, just tell Lauren to keep going...you can't hang on any longer!! And yet I did hang on and on and on...for about a whole hour!! (I was proud)

I think what really gave me the drive to keep up with the pack was the fact I'd be riding in misery twice as long if I let myself fall off on my own! Those drafts really make SUCH a difference in speed and time, it's amazing!

I actually did lose the pack eventually because I wasn't paying attention when we made a sharp hair pin turn up a little hill. I didn't gear down and totally had to unclip on the hill...it's a good thing no one was behind me or it would have been a pile up. Thankfully a rider from the pack who had stopped to relieve himself caught back up and told Lauren I'd dropped off the back.

Lauren was a doll face! She waited up and then pulled me in the last 7 miles or so.

Here's a lovely shot in Jackson when I was hating my life!

There's a glimps of the finish line. I actually didn't believe any of the signs that said 5km left!! because I couldn't see any signs of civilization on the horizon! Ha, ha...

Brett finally had enough of driving...so he decided to run a little 4k! That's right, I said 4km!

12.5 hours after we started...we FINISHED!!! Do I look dead?? Good, because I felt like it. 93 miles is currently the longest ride I've done in one day! Our finisher medals were pretty cool...they are miniature chain rings if you can't tell.

And last but not least is Lauren's naked blanket photo! Probably slap happy with exhaustion but I couldn't stop laughing when Lauren wrapped that blanket around her shoulders because it looked like she was commando underneith!

The end of another adventure!

Inconsistencies associate with the VO2max/anaerobic hypothesis

2008-08-23T16:53:00.000-07:00

Another hilarious excerpt from my readings today, enjoy:

Exercise at extreme altitudes is not limited by high blood lactate levels or by indications of limitations in cardiac or respiratory function. As discussed, during maximal exercise at increasingly higher altitudes, cardiac output actually decreases. This is strong evidence for protective mechanisms that prevent cardiac, central nervous system, and skeletal muscle damage. From the standpoint of the organism and its physiological control mechanisms, fatigue is preferable to death.

In case you missed the hilarity in that let's review.

Interviewer: Excuse me Mr. Organism, but what is your standpoint in regards to fatigue vs. death?

Organism: Naturally I feel fatigue is preferable to death.

Interviewer: Would you like to expound on that for us? Why exactly would you choose fatigue as opposed to death.

Organism: Well, for starters, if I were dead we wouldn't be having this conversation would we? I mean, you can defiantly recover from a fatiguing bout of exercise but I'm not at all trained in the science of exorcism.

Interviewer: That's a good point. Thank you for your time Mr. Organism.

(Mr. Organism continues to beat. Pumping blood to body tissues with each contraction.)

Interviewer: And there you have it folks, from the mouth of the Organism itself, the organism prefers fatigue to death!

HOMELESS

2008-08-19T18:59:00.001-07:00

Since no one wants to answer my phone calls and listen to me complain about life...

As implied from the title of this post, I am officially homeless. My belongings now reside in some random lady's house, Chelsey's garage, and the back seat of my smurf mobile. For anyone who has not experienced the homeless life of a wandering vagabond, I don't recommend it. Sure you save on rent, (which by the way is not why I am homeless), but it's a big pain in the butt! I will spare you the full details of my housing dilemma but let me show you what I'm up against.

$850 / 3br - Well maintained, 3 bedroom beautiful house w/ modern bathrooms

The fact that they feel the need to specify "modern bathrooms" concerns me. Seriously, modern bathrooms as opposed to what??? An outhouse? Okay, in case you think I'm just being picky I actually looked into this place but it's not an option as they are looking for someone to take over the mortgage on the home.

Additionally, while I'm in the business of wallowing in my despair...I would like to complain that my underarms hurt. Somehow I once again was convinced to sell my body to science for only $10.00. It was a study on different types of crutches and which ones are most energy efficient and comfortable. Well, the bruises on my underarms will testify the are NOT comfortable!!!

Bus Driver vs The Defiant Fourth Grader

2008-08-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Wherever there is injustice, you will find us. Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there. Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...

Those of you who know me well know that I can sometimes I can get pretty fired up. There are a few distinct experiences from my past which evident this. Actually there are probably more than a few, but that's beside the point.

Case Study #1: Bus Driver vs Defiant Fourth Grader

Perhaps you have long since forgotten the days of riding the big yellow school bus. Let me refresh your memory. First off an unspoken hierarchy exists in regards to elementary school in general. In the case of riding the bus it's no question fifth graders automatically sit in the very back of the bus. The reasons for this are quite apparent to any self respecting fifth grader. First it establishes your position at the top of the social hierarchy. Secondly you create the largest amount of distance between you and the authority figure on the premises, the driver. Third, a trip on the old yellow school bus is somewhat like a mini amusement park ride, and all the kids know you definitely catch the most air off any bumps or pot holes when sitting in the back! Naturally if the fifth graders are in the back of the bus the other children follow suit and we have none other than the first two row reserved for our dear little kindergartener's.

Which leads me to remember the demoralizing act of going from "King of the Bus" in fifth grade to being a lowly sixth grader in middle school and having to once again sit in the first few rows. As if this transition was not hard enough the eighth graders in my school felt the need to initiate the sixth graders daily by spitting handfuls of sunflower seeds at our heads.

Anyhow, now that we've reminisced and set the scene, imagine the fourth grade version of me. I pretty much looked exactly the same except I was shorter had bangs and very nerdy glasses. Personality wise I still had a large amount of social propriety in public and was pretty much a non-confrontational easy going child (at least that's how I remember it).

So one afternoon back in elementary I boarded the school bus as usual taking my rightful place as a fourth grader in a mid-rear seat. Following the example of my older and highly esteemed fifth grade elders, I was not seated completely on my butt. Instead I sat propped with one foot standing on the floor and one knee resting on the bench seat with my back against the window. This stance not only gives forth and fifth graders a feeling of dominance it also gives the child a better view of the whole bus.

Suddenly and with complete disregard for my position within the elementary school social hierarchy the bus driver specifically asked me to sit down. Naturally I respect authority and rules and would have been happy to oblige the bus driver's request, I just had one simple request of my own. Seeing as SEVERAL other children including my elder brother and his friend, were also standing up, I found it only just that they also be asked to sit down.

Apparently my logical and innocent request was misinterpreted by the bus driver as some type of challenge to her authority. Thus she repeatedly and specifically asked only me to sit down. I don't recall if I actually sat down but I must have continued to argue my point. Finally as the bus pulled up to my stop I hurried off the pull and muttered not so quietly under my breath, "you're stupid"! The bus driver immediately responded with, "what did you say?" Not about to let the bus driver get the best of me I clearly repeated, "I said you're stupid"! To which the bus driver challenged, "why don't you say that to my face"! Without a moment's hesitation I marched back up the giant steps of the bus and said, "you're stupid"! and then immediately fled the scene as fast as my little feet would carry me without turning around!

In retrospect, I fully admit, regardless of what the other students were doing, yes, I should have sat down when asked. But might I remind you, I was only in forth grade at the time. However let us also consider the maturity level of the bus driver as she challenged a fourth grader to, "say that to her face"! Yeah, I'm definitely less embarrassed to be the defiant fourth grader in this situation!

Stay tuned for:

Case Study #2: Choir Teacher Admits Defeat to Justice Seeking Eighth Grader

Article Review

2008-08-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

As you can tell I'm lacking in my blogging creativity...apparently I shared all I had to say in about four months. Which pretty much consisted of poking fun at my large head, weird research activities, a few dating woes, etc. So I've decided to leave the writing to someone else this time.

The following is an exerpt from a research paper I was reviewing for my thesis.

Each subject retired to insert a rectal probe 10 cm beyond the anal sphincter. One subject did not consent to this procedure. Prior to immersion, the level of the tank water was set 2 cm below the level of the gluteal fold in order to accommodate lower limb volume. (Burnley et al 2002)

Ha, ha, this is how I entertain myself, and I'll tell you what...there's definitely more where that came from! One word, Pubmed, knock yourself out :) Okay, I'm sounding lame now. But seriously can we please discuss the lame-o that wouldn't consent to the rectal probe? And let us please give a hollar for "gluteal fold"...ha, ha, I can't say it without laughing.

References

Burnley, M., Doust, J., H., and Jones, A., M. Effects of prior heavy exercise, prior sprint exercise and passive warming on oxygenn uptake kinetics during heavey exercise in humans. Eur J Appl Physiol 87: 424-432, 2002.

Queen of Donuts

2008-07-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

Since the completion of my half ironman triathlon back in June, I have come to a few conclusions. First, riding my bike is on average much more fun than running. Secondly perhaps two thirds of what I look forward to on race day is finishing so I can eat! With this in mind Stephanie and I happened upon the perfect event, lo and behold...The Tour de Donut consists of three 7 mile laps. Between each lap racers enter a trinsition area where they eat as many donuts as they can before continuing on their bikes. Each donut eaten subtracts three minutes from your total race time.

Here are Stephanie and I with our matching bicycles. For those who are unaware I facea a rather diffucult decision this summer...a trip to Costa Rica with my girl friends or a brand new road bike of my very own. Naturally I chose the bike :) jk...but serioulsy, I chose the bike.

Here is a lovely butt shot. It initially looks like Steph is touching my bum but upon further examination you will note she is holding her bicycle seat.
Here I am shoving my face in true heffer fashion. Steph took it upon herself to help pace me on the bike...I so graciously returned the favor by pacing her on the donuts!
For the record we ate four donuts at our second transition in only 5 minutes!!

And it all seemed to pay off in the end...that's right we were crowned the official Queens of Donuts for eating more than any other female at the race...a whopping 6 donuts each!! Not only that we had the fastest female times with our 18 minute deduction :)

About the Author

The Guera Salsera was born and rasied in the suburbs of Denver, Colorado. She developed a love for the great outdoors at a very young age through many family camping trips. It was not until much later in life when she discovered the joy of salsa dancing, wakeboarding, roadbiking, and torturing people in the laboratory in the name of science. She is somewhat of an anomaly going on seven years at BYU as a single co-ed. Some attribute her single status to the fact she enjoys dressing as a forest gremlin from time to time. Other feel this peculiar behavior is exactly what makes her so uniquely Stellerific!

The Blasted Tri

2008-06-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

The following is a photo documentary and summation of my very first half ironman triathlon! All in all it was a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run. Let me begin by introducing the key players involved in this weekend's events:

Travis: aka: Ultimate Go-to-Guy and Cheerleader!
Travis handled everything from driving, directions, and photography, to waiting on us hand and foot! He was literally waiting at the finish line with sweat shirts and sandals in hand for me and Steph. Travis is pictured here kickin it in his truck!

Stephanie: aka: Coach Power House Jones
Steph is my training buddy, we are in the same grad program at school. Some might describe her as slightly competitive. Lets just say you don't want to encounter other runners or bikers when out training with Steph. It's an immediate unspoken challenge. Steph's pictured here carb loading in the back seat.
Crystelle: aka: Confused young adult doing everything in her power to avoid joining the actual working world of adulthood. Persuaded by coach Jones to do triathlon in meantime.

We had alot of support from all our friends:

Travis is pretending not to know how this Ashlee Simpson album came to be hiding in his big manly truck.
Steph passed out in the back seat. We think she overdosed on carbs.

After arriving in Burley and discovering there is absolutely nothing there, we drove up to Idaho Falls for dinner at Johnny Carino's. After arriving back in Burley we set up camp to get some shut eye. There's nothing like camping to insure a good nights sleep before the big day!

Steph was a little obsessed with carb loading. We found her snacking on Cliff bars hidden under her pillow at 11:30pm.

Travis all ready for bed in his flannel snow man pajama pants.
We awoke nice and early the next day at 5:30am to break camp and force feed ourselves before the big race. Here's Steph wedging herself into her wetsuit. Wetsuits were mandatory as the water was only a mere 56 degree's Fahrenheit!

The naive triathletes all geared up to go. Little did they know what was in store for them.
Steph can be spotted in red and I'm standing in the water directly to her right.
Here we are in the first heat of swimmers. As you can see the water was quite choppy thanks to the strong head winds blowing against us. Poor Steph ingested a little more of the Snake River than agreed with her stomach...she ended up throwing up twice during her swim! Any and all thoughts at this point were..."Well, this rather sucks. My goggles are foggy and I can't see anything over these waves. Oops, I just jabbed my fingers into someones armpit, that had to hurt, sorry. I can't wait to get out of this blasted water and onto my bike".

Well, the bike came soon enough. After struggling for several minutes to strip off my wet suit and shove my numb feet into my shoes I was off. The bike was fun for the first 30 seconds, then my fingers and toes were so badly frozen I was sure I might have to amputate. I know this sounds funny but I literally believed this to be true!

Things were not looking up as I cranked on into the strongest head wind known to man! I had literally been biking for an hour when I finally reached a mile marker that said, "MILE 10". At this point I was thinking, "Oh great, mile 10! At this rate I'll finish the bike in another 4 1/2 hours!!" This misery continued on for another 16 miles or so before we final turned a corner to give us a slightly less difficult cross wind. The only part of the ride I enjoyed up to this point was spitting into the cross wind and watching my spit fly a good 25 feet before hitting the ground! Ultimately we finally changed directions giving us an awesome tail wind but I was too disgruntled by this point to care.

Here I am hating life, I've literally never loathed my bike more than I did on this ride. My thoughts at this point were, "Why did we think a half ironman would be a fun idea? This is NOT fun, I repeat, this is NOT fun!!!!"

Here's Steph, although she also thought she'd may have to amputate a few toes she was relieved not to be up-chucking anymore cliff bars! She actually kicked trash on the bike.
Going into this race I definitely thought the 13.1 mile run at the end of the race would be the suckiest part. Ironically I was so glad to get off my bike it actually turned out to be my favorite part of the whole day. While it was pretty painful to be pounding the pavement on the frozen balls of my feet they were able to regain circulation by mile 2. I actually began to slightly enjoy myself as I passed several runners over the next two hours.

Here's Steph coming into the finish line.

Here's Steph putting on her finishers medal!

Here am I running into the finish line. About a quarter mile from the finish line one of the photographers told me there was no need to sprint to the finish. I responded in my head with, "Hey dummy, you haven't been busting your butt for the last seven hours! I want this wretched experience to END as soon as possible so I'll sprint if I want to!"
The brain isn't functioning too quickly at this point...it was difficult deciding if I wanted a banana or an orange.

Sporting our medals, looks like I went for the water melon! Good choice.
Travis and Steph quickly put our names on the list for a 10 minute massage. Here's Steph getting all the kinks worked out of her gluteus maximus :)

And here's me, Travis likes to point out I took off my sweat shirt but kept my finishers medal proudly displayed around my neck.
A little Scandinavian dancing action at the post race party in true Vikingman fashion.

Steph actually place 3rd place in our age division!
Before our drive home we decided it might be a good idea to rinse off. Despite the fact I was standing in a filthy RV campground bathroom with no soap, luke warm water, and only a t-shirt to dry my body off with...that was one of the all time best showers!

We decided to replenish some of our fat stores at Arby's on our way out of town. If you enlarge this picture you can note the beautiful swimmers hickey on my neck from the wet suit chaffage!

Seeing as Travis is moving shortly, we stopped at temple square one last time on our drive home. Me and Steph decided to sport our cool tri shirts and finisher medals.

Here we are again on top of the conference center. You will notice we are no longer wearing our finishers medals because people kept asking if we "won" to which we kept having to reply, "Uh, no". Apparently finishing isn't cool enough! Lame sauce!
So all in all I would say is was a pretty miserable experience! And yet I pretty sure triathletes must suffer from short term memory loss because despite the pain I have somehow decided it was overall a fun experience. I may just do another one...but don't hold me to that quite yet.

Final Countdown

2008-06-06T07:27:00.000-07:00

With the race less than 24 hours away I decided I better make one last post, or perhaps final tribute incase we don't make it back alive :) Yes, I being dramatic!

Athletes in question:

Doing what we do best...carb loading.

Doing what we do second best...looking sexy!

It's Official

2008-05-30T01:32:00.000-07:00

With the tri only being 8 days away I decided I should go ahead and register for the darned thing. It was also becoming slightly embarassing to tell people I hadn't actually registered for the race. I'm pretty sure they were beginning to doubt I'd follow through. So it's all official now.

Word to your mom!

2008-05-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

Word to your mom! And by that I mean, I am getting very nervous for my triathlon! It's officially less than two weeks away now. The swim alone, no problem. The bike alone, no problem. The run on it's own, no problem. Even the swim plus the bike, or swim plus the run, no problem. However, the bike with the run...um...yeah, it's going to be difficult. I have no doubts I will finish, I'm just scared the run will end up being the most miserable 13.1 miles of my life and I will begin to question why I thought this was such a brilliant idea??

Perhaps we should weigh some of the pros and cons of this whole triathlon thingy:

Pros:

1. Bragging rights: If I'm going to be perfectly honest I must put this somewhere towards the top of the list. I mean anything with the word "ironman" even when preceded with "half" sounds pretty hardcore.

2. Getting my "tri" body: This in theory sounded really cool about two months ago. Truth be told I look about exactly the same. I mostly blame it on chocolate. But oh well, I'll be equally as thrilled when I'm passing some little 115 lb girl with a killer body and thinking to myself, "yeah, you may have the perfect body...but you're still being beat by the chubby girl. That's just pathetic!"

3. Making the most of my singleness: As you can see, I'm struggling for pros. But lets be honest, real people don't have time in their busy schedules for such self indulgence. So in essence, what I'm saying is graduate students are not actually productive members of society. They are mostly confused young adults trying to buy some time before they have to grow up and decide what to do with the rest of their lives. Okay, so maybe I'm just describing myself :) With that said I'm open to suggestions on what to do with the rest of my life.

4. Road biking: Yes, I have discovered the joys of riding my bike. I'm not sure what makes this so fun, perhaps it's the fact I no longer have to run everyday, or maybe it's all the fun gear, or maybe it's just another device to further prolong my graduation? Anyway, it sure is fun.

5. Stress Reliever: Sometimes there is nothing better than running away for 2 hours, literally :)

Cons:

1. Expensive: I'm too embarrassed to express just exactly how much this race will cost me...but just know it's alot. Entry fees, cost of travel, wetsuit rental (??), tri-clothing, etc. Infact I just purchased a nice set of aero bars for my borrowed bike. I find it slightly ironic I now own aero bars yet no road bike?? I suppose their is only one solution to this problem...I'll have to buy a bike!

2. Time consuming: Seriously it's like a part time job...only you don't get paid.

3. Guilt: Ah, yes the guilt. I suppose this may negate "stress reliever". While it may be a stress reliever on some days other days it's just a chore. And like any other chore that doesn't get done it's always on the back of your mind eating away at you.

So there you have it. The pro's win by 2pts...therefore I guess I'll go ahead with it.

Apparently I'm not as funny as I thought I was!

2008-05-18T22:33:00.000-07:00

As many of you know humor is something that is very important to me. How important?? Let's just say it has the potential to make or break a dating relationship.

I'm sure you have all experienced certain "break points" in your vast dating experience. You know, the point where you think in your head, "yeah, this isn't going to work out". I too can specifically recall a few of these experiences.

1) Blind Date Boy:
So if you are single, or have ever been single you have probably had the joy of being set up on a blind date. On one hand it can be very flattering that someone wanted to set you up. Yet more often than not I find myself face to face with a complete stranger thinking, "So this is all you think I'm capable of...gee thanks!" While I may sound like a shallow brat right now, I would like to say this is not the end all "breaking point" I speak of. Oh no, that would definitely be reserved for moments like this:

me: "So what types of things do you like to do?"

blind date boy: "Oh...um...you mean besides learning about history and tracking institute teachers?" (red flag)

me: "Uh yeah, I mean do you like any outdoor activities or do you play any sports?"

blind date boy: "Well, sometimes I play church basketball, but I don't really like it very much. I'm not really an outdoors type of guy." BREAK POINT!

Okay, so not liking the outdoors may not be the worst thing in the world, but this guys definition of adventurous is trying a piece of fried calamari! Definitely not going to work out!

2) JERK FACE:
I would have come up with a different title for my next little example, but that's all that comes to mind. So this is the guy that wanted to "pretend date" me. You know, call me and hang out all the time but never take me out on an "official date". (red flag) What does this mean? It means he never gave me more than 5 minutes notice he wanted to hang out and rarely spent more than a $1 on me at red box! I'm not saying I need any type of Daddy Warbucks...but please, I think I'm at least worth an occasional super value meal at Wendy's! Needless to say I should have ditched this looser JERK FACE long before I actually did.

However the real slap in the face came during a DTR (define the relationship) type conversation. It probably went something like this:

me: "So what the crap is up with you and your JERK FACE ways?? I mean seriously, you seem to like me and yet we never actually seem to go out in public on any type of real date. If my face is horribly disfigured just be straight up and tell me!"

JERK FACE: "The thing is, you're really smart, and really laid back and chill, and you're really cute, and really adventurous, and your pretty funny...BREAK POINT!...but I just got out of a serious relationship and blah, blah, blah...

In case you didn't catch that, please re-read the phrasing. You're really, really, really...blah, blah, blah...really, really, really...blah, blah, blah...and you're pretty funny. EXCUSE ME! Pretty funny, what happened to really funny? Why really, really, really, and then just pretty funny? It's like saying, "and you're kinda funny". RU-UDE!!!

Lets just say I may not be Ellen DeGeneres, but I was definitely funnier than him! I pretty much knew it was over at that point.

The Point of this Post:
So those are just two examples of the "break point", but I'll stop there. The whole point of this was I haven't posted in a while because I couldn't think of anything witty to write, and what's the point of posting if it's not funny?...so I guess I'm just not as funny as I thought I was, (as pointed out by JERK FACE). So with no more side tracks I will now update you on my HALF IRON WOMAN training.

Things have been going really well. I've now reached the ridiculous point where I feel guilty if I only work out an hour a day. An "easy day" is now considered a 6 mile run followed up with a mile swim. However, even more ridiculous than that is my inability to lose any weight! That just goes to show how much I love food. For example, when asked if I wanted a piece of apple pie or a brownie and ice cream, my dear sweet friend Cassie responded for me, "she'll have both". Thanks Cass :) Anyhow, here's some of my stats from the past month:

April 21-27th
ran: 22 miles
biked: 85 miles
swam: 2500 yds

April 28th -May 4th
ran: 30 miles
biked: 73 miles
swam: 4800 yds

May 5-11th
ran: 27.5 miles
biked: 98 miles
swam: 3200 yds

April 12-18th
ran: 22 miles
biked: 114 miles
swam: 3200 yds

Let us keep in mind this is not including an additional 9-12 hours of salsa/week :) I still need to get the battery changed in my heart rate monitor so I can wear it to the club some night. So the tri is only 3 weeks away now! I'm going to make my best attempt to watch what I eat and shed maybe 5-7 lbs before the race. Seriously...just think what I could do for my running economy!

Salsa Solo!!!!!

2008-05-02T01:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's 2:30am...pretty late even for this little salsera, but I am too anxious to give you the latest salsa update.

As you know, tonight was supposed to be the grand opening of the Salsa Loft with various performances including the red jumpsuit routine as well as the little yellow dress. Well, because the universe is inevitably against anything running as I have planned...that's not exactly what happened.

First, the red jumpsuits never came in on time...thus we opted for a more casual look of jeans and white shirts. Small road bump, not a big deal.

Second, as most of my friends do not lead a secret night life, 11pm on a school night was pushing it! When I showed up at 10:10pm and it took my instructor's wife a good 25 minutes just to apply my eye make-up I started to get the impression we weren't going to be starting on time! Starting to feel anxious.

Third, while anxiously twiddling my fingers and trying to hide my impatience as I got my hair curled, my instructor informed us that all the other performances lined up for the evening fell through! Panic rising.

Forth, because my instructor was slightly upset with the flakey performers, he decided to take his retribution in the form of making them perform at the club next week! Thus he decided we would save the little yellow dress routine for next week and only perform Timbalito (redjump suit routine). Now this would have been fine, except for the fact it was now well past 11pm on a school night and my dear friends had been huddled in the back of the club all night doing their best to blend in with the brick wall as they awaited my promised performance.

Well, as many of you know I suck at poker! Meaning the disappointment on my face was a dead give away! Ari asked me what was wrong and as I explained the situation to him he decided there was only one good solution to the problem...

He would perform Mambo Gazon with me at as a solo routine dedicated to my dear friends! Um...panic PEAKING!!

So to wrap this story up, we first performed Timbalito as a group. I'm pretty sure it was the absolute worst run through of the rountine I've ever had! Literally my mind went completely blank more than once as I desperately tried to remember what in the world I was doing amidst the bright lights and smiling faces of all my darling friends. I wish I could have returned a smile or two and wiped the look of utter bewilderment off my face...but I finished the routine none the less.

Next I performed a two second costume change and returned to the dance floor to perform my first ever solo routine! I was terrified, especially after having just slaughtered the first routine! Although I stumbled over my own two feet a few times, this performance went slightly better.

Then of course my heart rate resumed, palms stopped sweating, and I danced like a gem the rest of the evening! So, although I did not sport any sexy salsa outfits and I totally blew both my performances...I totally had a great evening! So thank you so much to all my friends Steph, Travis, Annie, Debbie, Ruth Ann, Cassie, Chelsey, Liz, and Jackie for coming out to support me!!! I love you guys!

Here are some pics from the evening. This is me with my salsa buddies slamming down burgers after the performance at 2am.

Top Row Left to Right: Gary, Ari (my instructor), Marcy (Ari's finacee and my wonderful make-up artist), and me.

Bottom Row Left to Right: Geneve, Alex, Jessie, and DJ Corwin

And, here's me all nappy looking after the dance plus a bunch of close up's of my cool eye make-up!

The Little Yellow Dress

2008-04-27T23:34:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I've been rehearsing the last month with my new performance group Soul Estilo (Soul Style). I've been loving it so far! Our instructor is really dedicated to the growth of the company and the development of its individual dancers.

Anyhow, this Thursday is the grand opening of our local salsa club...I mean it's the same club we always go to on Thursdays but it's slowly been developing into more of an exclusive salsa night where all the truly dedicated salsero's come to dance. As many of you know, in true "Salsa Snob" fashion, I don't really go dancing at the club on Friday's because it's more of a "clubbing" type atmosphere. So we are officially re-opening Thursday nights under a new name and new image! In honor of this special occasion my salsa group is performing our old routine in the infamous Little Yellow Dresses. Additionally we will be performing our new routine in none other than RED JUMPSUITS. Upon this notification I immediately had visions of ABBA flashing through my mind...

I haven't actually seen or tried on the red jumpsuit yet...so it should be interesting! Anyhow, for any of those in the local area, you should come, (11pm Thursday)...if for no other reason than to see the red jumpsuit! It should be quite the night.

Radom-ish

2008-04-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, as the title implies this post is simply about random-ish. My itching desire to make a new post coupled with my inability to think of anything worthwhile to write about...leads me to outline some of the highlights of my week:

1. Wednesday night I attended "Ladies Night" at a local cycle shop with my roommate. I figured I might actually learn something considering my recent struggles with the bicycle pump. In addition to learning how to change a tire I was equally thrilled to receive a FREE multi-tool. That's right folks, the very first piece of cycling equipment I actually own!! I now have an array of different sized allen wrenches at my disposal for any tightening needs.

2. Thursday I completed my first 45mile bike ride! I have to admit I was pretty hammered by the time we got home and can't really imagine an additional 11 miles on the bike followed by a 13.1 mile run!! Needless to say I have a ways to go in my training. On another note, I was secretly THRILLED to get a flat tire about 20miles out into the ride. Okay, clarification...I was initially slightly panicked seeing as Ann and Steph were already a good 400+ yards in front of me. What if I couldn't successfully change the innertube??? How long till they noticed I was no longer sucking air a quarter mile behind them??? CRAP!!! Okay, remain calm...what was the first step the butch Trek representative gave us in changing a flat? Ah ha! I remember...move out of the road! Ha, ha...I'm happy to report Steph and Ann soon realized I was missing and with some help I managed to successfully change my first tire!!

3. My little sister (aka: Pea-Head, The Pea, The Turtle) was able to spend some time with me between semesters. She was a great sport in attending my usual "Salsa Thursdays", which I'm happy to report was definitely NOT a disappointment this week!

4. Friday, Pea-Head and I went out for a little hike. It was fun and conversation consisted of the usually "girl talk" that accompanies such outings. Just as I began to expound on the fact that the physical flaws in my butt may actually be stemming from the lack of a defined waist line, I had the pleasure of unexpectedly running into one of my professors from school!! Somehow I'm not surprised by this scenario...maybe someday I'll learn to have a little more public discretion.

5. Saturday me and Steph hosted a little "fun run" for our fellow running Guru's. It consisted of a little 6 mile run followed by a delicious pancake breakfast! If there's anything I get excited about besides, salsa, wake boarding, and more recently cycling...it's food! Thus I must report I made a delicious grilled portabello mushroom sandwich later that day from a recipe I found on-line.

All in all I'd say it was a pretty good week...except I wanted to go dancing Saturday night but ended up taking an extended nap from 8pm to midnight!!! Seriously, if you could have seen the disappointed look on my face when I woke up and looked at the clock at 11:56pm...you'd have been heart broken! Okay this really is the conclusion, and if you just read all this babble you are either:

a) a really good friend
b) my mom (yes, she has finally visited my blog)
c) very bored
d) a dedicated blog stalker

Well, whoever you are...thanks for reading.

Cycling Rite of Passage

2008-04-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been while since I've posted and the bloody toe keeps popping up at you every time you check my site. Personally I am quite thrilled every time I see the larger than life size bloody toe pop out at me...but apparently not everyone is equally excited about having that image burned into their retina's! Go figure??

In my haste to come up with a new blog topic I have decided to give you a run down of my afternoon ride. Today was the third day out on the road bike. Naturally with no major mishaps up to this point I was feeling pretty confident in my cycling skills. Thus, I volunteered to fly solo and brave the 5 minute ride to Steph's apartment by myself!

In preparation for my solo voyage and subsequent ride I decided to check my tire pressure and top off before I left my apartment. In my feeble attempts to inflate my tires a little more I miraculously managed to completely deflate both tires!! After a good twenty minutes of grunting and covering myself in bicycle grease I managed to fill the back tire but remained completely evaded by the front tire. By this point it was obvious I was not smarter than the bike pump and would need some help in discerning the problem.

Ultimately I had to confess to Steph my struggle with the bike pump and ask her to meet me at my place once again. In my defense, the inner tube had somehow developed a tear and thus all the air was escaping as quickly as it was being pumped into the tire. I then sat back and marveled as Stephanie changed that inner tube in what was quite literally two minutes tops!!! I'm pretty sure she could win some type of award for that!

Okay, so Steph, Ann, and I finally set out on our ride! It was a beautiful sunny afternoon and I figured the odds of having another cycling mishap the same day were pretty slim. Well folks, never underestimate my ability to defy the odds!! Probably ten blocks down the road my stupidity struck again! As I approached a red light I cautiously unclipped my left foot in plenty of time to stop and catch my balance. I'm pretty sure there was a strong gust of wind or something because after coming to a complete stop I somehow managed to lose my balance falling toward my right side. Not a problem except for the fact my right foot was clipped into the the peddle making it impossible to catch my fall and further more dragging the bike down on top of me.

Yet, despite the humiliation I was somewhat glad to get this "cycling rite of passage" out of the way. It's like being bucked off a horse for the first time, it's bound to happen sooner or later and I feel like I have less to fear once I get the first time out of the way. The rest of the ride went without a hitch...Steph kicked my butt as usually and I sucked air in my pitiful attempts to even keep her in eye's sight!

Okay, sorry that was a bit longer than anticipated but thanks for reading...here are some pictures.

This is me and Ann posing after the ride. I do wear a helmet riding but since you are all now keenly aware of my large head insecurities you can understand why I am not wearing my helmet in this picture. Neither am I wearing a lick of make-up, so please do not copy this image for blackmail purposes.

This next photo is of my battle wounds acquired from the fall. I know, it's pretty sissy looking, I'll try to crash harder next time I decide to fall.

The risks of salsa

2008-04-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

I realize most of you will find this revolting...but I simply couldn't help myself. With all my races lately I've managed to bruise one of my toenails pretty good. Any of those who have experienced a black toenail know it can be pretty painful. Something as simple as putting on a sock exerts enough pressure on the nail to cause a slight wince of pain. Well, now imagine having that same toenail stepped on by some heifer's 3 inch salsa heel!! Here is the result:

To bad there wasn't a little more blood, that would really be sweet. I'm twisted I know, but I just think it's funny to see my french manicured toes in an elegant pair of gold salsa heels covered in blood! This actually happened to my big toe on the opposite foot last Thursday, (sorry, no pics available). That one had more blood, but the nail bed wasn't black underneath like this photo. On that note...enjoy your lunch :)

The ULTIMATE Vanity!

2008-04-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

I recently had a conversation with one of my dear aunts, (whose identity will remain anonymous....So-J), in which I told her she was sufficiently hilarious and opinionated enough to join the blogging world (How thoughtful of me, I know). Her exact response was,

"A blog seems like the ultimate vanity--believing that people want to read my ramblings."

So with that established...yes, I am the ultimate exemplar of vanity and somewhat deranged to think people want to "read my ramblings". But this is not news to most of you, or myself...thus I will continues to pretend I have slew of dedicated blog stalkers who thrive on my weekly updates.

Okay the actual purpose of this post is slightly less exciting to most everyone but myself, and that is to update you on some recent highlights in my life. The picture below features Lizzy and I trying to strike a sexy salsa pose in our sweats before the start of the Moab Half Marathon last month.

I like to think we look pretty hot! Additionally, I thought it was the perfect lead in to my updates.

1. I ran the Moab Canyonlands Half Marathon last month. It was a little chilly this year and I didn't PR, but all in all I made it to the start on time and didn't have to stop for any unexpected pit stops...so it was a good run.

2. Me and my friend Steph have decided to do a Half Iron Man in June. That means a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run. I've got the swimming and running down...the biking will definately take some work...which leads me to #3.

3. I went out on my first official road biking excursion this past week. My dear sweet visiting teacher let me borrow all her gear including bike, helmet, shoes, jacket, leg warmers...the whole nine yards. Which led me to the conclusion road cyclists are gear heads....meaning I think half of what they love about the sport is having lots of gear. Admittedly I felt pretty official and all the more like a poser as we set out on our first ride. Despite the fact my thighs were burning after mile 2 in my futile attempts to keep pace with Steph, I'm happy to report I successfully clipped in and out of my pedals without any major mishaps.

4. Okay, here's the big one...Unbeknownst to most of you, my salsa instructor has been running auditions within the dance company during the past week and a half to select members as part of a more advanced performance team. I just found out today that against all odds (quite honestly)...I somehow managed to make it!! Thus I'm now part of the Soul Estilo performance group!

Okay, it's officially 4am and my body hates me for running yet another half marathon this morning followed up by an hour of salsa rehearsal this afternoon and 3 hours of salsa at the club tonight! Good night.

Happy Anniversary!

2008-04-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

I thought it was about time I made a salsa related post. After all, I am the guera salsera, which for those who don't know, it means the white salsa dancer. Which I might add has a few great perks and benefits in the Latin dance scene:

a) Latin men seem to love white girls. Well, they love girls in general...but especially white girls. Therefore you are pretty much guaranteed a dance on every song based off skin color alone.

b) People naturally assume you don't know a thing about Latin dancing if you're white. The complete lack of expectations makes it easier to impress.

c) You avoid having to carry on conversation while dancing if the guy you're dancing with only speaks Spanish.

I'm pretty sure there are some more...but we'll leave it at three for now. In other salsa related news February marked the 1 year anniversary of my very first introduction to salsa!! I realize this is very difficult for some of you to imagine...Crystelle without salsa!! Sad but true...what characterized my frail existence before this point in my life?? Shamefully I must say I was often spotted at the local seniors center getting my groove on with a little Country Swing! Rest assured I have amended my ways and have pretty much Salsa-ed my life away consistently at least 3-4 times/week since my inauguration.

Coincidentally, (and most appropriately timed), I performed at my very first salsa congress this past February with my salsa team. It was AWESOME to say the least. I never would have thought I'd be swooning over some type of Latin Emo with his shirt unbuttoned to his naval proudly showcasing his "bling" on top of his naturally hairless chest! (Luckily my mother is too busy to even glance at the nonsense I'm posting on my blog...but just in case...I'm kidding mom!) Anyhow, I found it only fitting to commemorate the entire occasion by buying myself a new pair of salsa heels. Which after 6 long awaited weeks finally just arrived!! Check them out: Mamacita!!! In case you need the specks on these beauties I will outline them for you:

-Women's size 7
-Black Satin
-2 1/2 inch heel
-suede soles
-very HOT!!

That concludes my very first salsa post. Hopefully you have found this post informative in one way or another. Additionally, if you have not yet cast your vote on my look-a-like survey below please read on...so far DJ Tanner is in the lead, but I still have high hopes for the Japanese animate #2

Who do I resemble???

2008-03-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

Okay I must confess, I've been dying to post all week. Now that I finally finished my blasted cardiopulmonary exam...this is my reward! Not only that, but I am heeding the numerous cries, (2 to be exact...ha, ha) for pictures...although I do feel this is somewhat self degrading.

As promised, I am providing you with side by side comparisons of myself with Japanese animation characters. I have no doubt you'll see the shockingly uncanny resemblance! Furthermore I decided to go a step further and recruit your help in resolving the ongoing debate as to which Hollywood actress I bear a closer resemblance to. (note: The actresses featured were chosen based off public feedback. If it were up to me I'd rather resemble Shakira or Beyonce. I don't resent my Japanese heritage, but it definately didn't bless me with the hips or butt a salsa dancer dreams of...Que lastima!)

1. Cartoon Eyes

Okay, this isn't the best side by side comparison, I had a difficult time finding a good cartoon picture. But I'm sure you are familiar with the cartoon eyes I'm talking about. They are often featured in such church publications as The Friend. Perfect little arched windows and completely flat across the bottom. I must give credit to Liz for introducing me to Erin's natural talent at imitating cartoon eyes. I'm not quite up to Erin's level but maybe a close 2nd or 3rd. Although I probably have the advantage of a large noggin to complete the cartoonish look.

2. Chihiro, from Miyazaki's Spirited Away

Uncanny resemblance! Am I right or am I right? Definitely a face I think I use on a daily basis. In fact, I used it just the other day. As I was out for a run I dashed across an intersection as the light was turning yellow. I quickly glanced at the driver of the vehicle to my side, (he was undoubtedly annoyed I had not yielded to the red hand of the cross walk), and flashed him the, "Oops! Bad judgement call on my part, sorry!" look.

3. Candace Cameron, aka: DJ Tanner from Full House

Don't let me influence your votes, but I must say this is probably the comparison I resent most! I hated people telling me I looked like DJ Tanner growing up. I always considered DJ the slightly chubby insecure older sister of the Tanner family, thus I did not like being told I looked like her. Unfortunately I don't have any younger pictures of myself here at my apartment...but then again people tell me I look pretty much the same now as when I was 5yrs old! (Yes, I also love comments like this, "Oh you're graduating this year, that's great! Now which high school are you at?")

4. Julia Stiles, from such great feature films as The Prince and I (now re-read that with a bit more sarcasm in your voice)

Okay, that was a low blow to Julia. I apologize, I've never actually seen that particular movie, so I can't judge. Additionally, she has been in some good films. However I still don't like the comparison. Don't ask me why...like I said before, I'm just bitter I didn't come out looking a little more like J-Lo.

Okay, that's all I got. Is there any other fictional cartoon character's I'm missing? Wait, I have another real quick story for you. Once upon a time there was a boy in my ward who looked EXACTLY like Kevin James from The King of Queens. So naturally I approached him to state the obvious. Wow, that was a mistake! Without so much as a courtesy grin he rolled his eyes and replied with such a rude sarcastic tone, "Yeah, haven't heard that one before!". In light of this experience, although I may sound bitter...I applaud myself for always responding in a very politely resentful manner. With that said you may now cast your votes in my comments section :)

PS- feel free to vote for cartoon eyes or Chihiro, I would love it.

A note to my readers:

2008-03-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

Oh dearest and devoted fan base,

Despite the fact most of my siblings and even my own mother have not even glanced at my newly founded blog, I have no doubts the rest of you are checking this blog daily in anticipation of my next great post. I think it's only fair I try to post at least one weekly column for your viewing pleasure. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, but I seem to be extremely busy this week...thus I must make the most of my time by multi-tasking and "blog-storming" during my health promotion class. Here are a few ideas of possible up coming attractions:

-visual comparisons of my cartoon eyes and bobble head to that of Japanese animate
-a re-post of my acute tonsillitis for any of those who missed it the first time
-quirky confessions of an aspiring salsa snob

Okay, so that's all I can remember at the moment from the 2 1/2 hours of "blog-storming" during class. I think it was definitely time well spent...don't you!

Why I wear BIG earrings

2008-03-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

Due to all the heckiling and commentary I recieve...I thought I'd defend my position.

Why I wear BIG earrings:

They’re sexy!!
They give the illusion you are a little more put together than you actually are. This is because earrings are like icing on a cake…not only did that girl get dressed, but she took the time to coordinate an actual outfit, as evidenced by accessories. (Little do they know I haven’t washed my hair in three days!)
I’ve gotten used to it and quite frankly I feel a little naked without them.
I’ve inherited an abnormally large head from my Japanese heritage, (this has been confirmed by several loved ones…yeah, my family is real sensitive like that :) Thus I have a special need to wear large earrings which help dwarf my head size closer to that of an average human being.
Sometimes I like to pretend I’m high maintenance, (then I remember I live paycheck to paycheck as a part time PE teacher)
People notice them, and I freely admit I love to be the center of attention.
They can dress up any outfit…literally, jeans, t-shirts, sweats, the possibilities are endless.
They make great souvenirs.
Bigger is better!
They exude confidence. Whether or not I’m lacking self esteem, other people are inevitable thinking…wow, that girl’s earring’s are ridiculously large, what makes her think she can pull that off? She must be really confident. Okay, they're probably really thinking...that would really hurt if one of those got snagged on her backpack and ripped through her earlobe...but what can I say??? I live on the edge!

Well folks, that about sums it up, if you have any further questions about my personal mannerisms, habits, quirks, or just life with an abnormally large head feel free to ask.

"Looks like a couple of scientists gone off the deep end to me!" - Grandpa

2008-03-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

Okay I'll limit myself to just two posts today. But like I previously mentioned...I really have been brainstorming for this blog and it's taking a great deal of self restraint not to keep yapping away. Besides, I'm in the process of building my devoted fan base. Therefore I needed to post something for my visitors who could care less about anything I have to say but are spending a momentary 5 seconds scrolling for some interesting pictures. Hopefully this will be a sufficient lure for a subsequent visit.

The endearing title is a direct quote from my darling grandfather upon viewing a few pictures from my lab at school! In all honestly he may be half correct...judge for yourself. But please be honest...crazy or not it looks like a butt load of fun! So with no further ado behold the play ground of the exercise physiologists :)

Ah, microdialysis probes. How many hours of my life I have slaved away over a microscope carefully constructing perfectly profusing probes such as the ones you see here. They are carefully inserted directly beneath the skin by use of a 4 inch long spinal tap needle! Straight up!

Our next photo takes us a step further...here we have covered the sites of the microdialysis probes with really cool scientific gadgets measuring sweat rate and skin blood flow. I love the highly technical makeshift base holding the laser doppler probes and miniature humidity chambers in place with mole skin...you know the stuff you put on blisters when hiking.

Featured next is one of my all time favorites! Please note the tubing protruding from the subjects nose. You guessed it...it is indeed the beloved esophageal probe measuring body core temperature. Please read all directions prior to installation:

1. Length of tubing inserted through the nasal passage is to be 1/4 your body height
2. Take precaution to eat a light breakfast prior to insertion of esophageal probe as many individuals are prone to strong gag reflexes causing them to vomit.
3. Begin insertion through your preferred nostril, (right or left), tilt head back and continue to thread probe down the back of your throat.
4. It may be helpful to have a small glass of water and swallow frequently to overcome the natural tendency to gag. (it's often wise to keep a trash can near by)
5. Continue to thread probe down the esophagus until you reach your marked length. The end of the probe will be about heart level.
6. Secure probe to nose with tape to keep it from sliding further in or out and to make for lovely black mail photos.

In action on the recumbent cycle ergometer...

Yours truely modeling the latest and greatest in Go-Go-Gadget technology. This little servo-controlled hand heater powered by none other than Vidal Sassoon (quite literally...your basic hair dryer) can keep the skin temperature constant at your preferred degree!

Last but not least....drum roll please....please behold MAN VS. LOWER BODY NEGATIVE PRESSURE. Even though most of you are saying...I don't know what the crap you're talking about...it looks cool doesn't it??? And believe me it is. This contraption was custom designed and built to apply suction to your lower extremities causing the blood to pool in your legs. If you're not careful the subject may eventually pass out. It's used to study the regulation of cardiac output, blood pressure, and heart rate responses. Please note the fancy plexiglass cover for you're viewing pleasure of some guy's hairy thighs! (no offense Dan, I'm obviously not referring to you since you shave your legs :)

I'd like to extend a special thanks to those who have volunteered their time as subjects in the lab. My sincere apologies go out to any those close friends or family members who I may have a.) caused to vomit (Spen and Steph), b.) swear my name as they lie ill on the floor in the fetal position (Lizzardo), or c.) stuck a tendon with an 18gage needle rather than the intended blood vessel. Science has benefited from your sweat, tears, and vomit!! (In my defense all three of the listed subjects were given monetary compensation for their sacrifice, not tendon boy but it wasn't that bad, he's just a bit of a cry baby, jk)

My Contribution to Society

2008-03-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

Okay people, I've finally decided to jump on the band wagon and create my own personal blog! I know this is a momentous occasion for many of you. To be quite honest I felt I was doing the world a disservice by not sharing my wit, humor, and gruesomely disturbing pictures and occasional thoughts. I know what you're thinking..."you're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you". Well fortunately for me IT IS, so for all you people who question what's really going on inside my head...here's a small glimpse into the mind of the guera salsera.

I really have been debating about this blog for some time. Mostly because all the other bloggers I know focus their blogs around a.) their children (which I have yet to have any...although I'm told by my friend Steph all I need is a donor) or b.) their obsessive hobbies/interests. While you may be thinking I have quite a few obsessive interests myself, (salsa, wakeboarding, running, swimming, flirting, hiking, slacking), you may fail to see how this poses a problem?? Well, I didn't want to be limited to only posting about salsa, (although I'm sure many could attest to my ability to fill an entire blog with only this topic) or my latest dating woes, etc. Then I had a rather obvious epiphany...I can write about what ever the sam hill I please! After all it is my blog.

However, being an individual of constant turmoil and endless indecisiveness about the most trivial of matters in life, my problem ceased to be solved. As I excitedly brainstormed about the many wickedly awesome and hilarious posts I had in store for my future blog, and how I would undoubtedly have an exponentially growing foundation of devoted readers (don't worry...I've prepped myself for the let down on this one), I realized something; many of my stories may come off slightly offensive to either my friends, fellow salseros, family, or peers. Obviously I needed to decide upon my audience beforehand and cater to the specific needs of my soon to be growing fan base. Now I was back to the problem of being limited in my subject matter (I realize I am now starting to sound slightly crazy).

Well, this type of a thought process continued for many moons...I ultimately found no solution to my problem but have decided to blog regardless...with complete disregard of potentially disclosing too many detail of my life to my parents or highly conservative aunt So-J (aren't you tickled to be specifically mentioned by nickname!), or accidentally uprooting my good standing in the local salsa scene. Oh well, asi es la vida!