St. Georgeous

So for whatever reason "Musings of a Mad Scientist" was not met with much enthusiasm? I personally find it fascinatingly revolting! So to spare all the weak stomached I shall post something else so we no longer have to view the beaker of mucousy gastric juice.

Due to my highly developed slacker skills I have many big things to write about and don't know where to start...

Let us travel back in time to the wee hours of the early morn on Oct 4, 2008. It was a cold and rainy morning down in St. George Utah as I loaded the bus at 5:20 am. I pondered the fact I hadn't trained for this marathon at all! Literally one eight mile run approximately 3 weeks before followed by some avid couch potato-ing down in Lake Powell. Upon my return I did one 15 mile run and then gave myself shin splints 5 days before by running a hasty 6 mile downhill loop. IDIOT! I was not looking forward to the run or post-run muscle soreness.

When we got off the bus we headed straightway for the Port-O-John's, I was pretty certain we would not get through the line before the gun sounded. As we waited in the dark and rainy chaos that ensued at the starting line, we we're informed by the announcer this was only the second time it had ever rained in the history of the St. George Marathon!! Lucky us!

As predicted the gun sounded for the start of the race. When I finally got to use the bathroom I realized the Port-O-Potty was fresh out of toilet paper...panic set-in!!

Let's think this through rationally, here are my options:

1. go searching for toilet paper before I drop my draws...well, seeing as there are like 20 people in line behind me it was unlikely I'd get my spot back...not an option

2. limit myself to going "numero uno" and save the rest for later...it's only 26.2 miles of misery...definitely not an option

That pretty much concluded the rational thinking portion. So I did what I had to do and resorted to using the cardboard toilet paper roll for all it was worth! After that I ran to drop off my sweats before heading to the starting line. Although the gun had already sounded, because of the great multitude of runners, many had not even crossed the starting line yet. I jumped in with the crowd and started the drudgery.

As we left the hustle and bustle of the start area we literally ran into a dark abyss. It is at this time you begin thinking to yourself..."I am certainly off my rocker! Why am I doing this? It's both weird and crazy!" And yet the crowds of mentally insane runners surrounding me, the darkness, the rain, the sounds of heavy breathing, shoes on the wet pavement, and Rihanna's latest hit "Disturbia" playing in my head phones filled me with excitement!

I originally started out with the four hour Cliff Bar pacer thinking, I'll keep up with this crowd until I can't hold on anymore. Yet the adrenaline rush in the first mile had me sprinting ahead and reevaluating my game plan...I'll run a little faster while I'm feeling good and then tag onto the group when I start to burn out.

Mile one passed very quickly as did mile two and three. By this point I could feel my shin splints starting to resurface and my calves felt tight. I knew I'd be okay for the first eight miles but was pretty sure I'd feel ready to throw in the towel by mile 13 and most definitely by mile 16. Mile thirteen came and went surprisingly fast! My split time was 1 hr 54 min. That's an 8:45 min average mile time. I must say I was somewhat frustrated with my time. I mean, I've run probably 8-9 half marathons in my day and my fastest one was only 1:50:00 with an average of around 1:54. So here I am running a 1:54 and I've got 13 more miles to go....obviously I could be running those halves much faster!! Argh.

Anyhow as I continued to run it continued to rain. I had been pretty much soaked to the bone by mile two but actually enjoyed the cool weather as I ran. I was shooting for consistent 9 minute miles by this point in the run. The funny thing was I kept coming in under nine and I daresay pretty close to eight minute miles. Eventually by mile 18 I somehow managed to figure I could finish the race pretty darn close to a 3:40... (For those who are unfamiliar that is the Boston Marathon qualifying time for women my age)...all I would have to do is run my last 6 miles each in 8 min flat!

It just so happened the play list on my ipod ended right after I had a glimpse of the Boston Marathon goal. Because of the rain and cold my ipod froze up, so I was going it alone the last six miles. All I can say is those last 6 miles were tough! Almost as mentally exhausting as they were physically. I knew I'd be cutting it close and there would be nothing worse than to miss the qualification time by 30 seconds!

Well, I know I pushed myself as hard as I could the last two miles. My calves were SO incredibly tight. Literally I felt like my calf muscle might rip out of my skin with every step and the jolt of my feet making contact with the ground sent a searing pain up my shins. I dashed across the finish line and stopped my wrist watch...3:40:07

Seven seconds over!!! Oh the agony...my only consolation was that I was done running. Well, the good new is these "Boston Marathon" folk realize that is a harsh reality for many...so they actually give you a 59 second allowance...which in short means...I qualified for the Boston Marathon!!!

Well, it literally took me a week to recover from the race. My friends got a good kick out of watching me try to go up and down stairs...but ultimately it was worth it. And not only did I qualify for the Boston but I ran a negative split running my fastest half marathon ever with a time of 1:46!!

All in all I have concluded I have not pushed myself hard enough in the past. Or perhaps all that salsa dancing has paid off in the cardiovascular department...or road biking :) Either way I've screwed my future running career as I now must beat a 3:40 in my next marathon and a 1:46 in my next half!

Woe is me!

Acknowledgments

I'd like to give a special thanks to the following individuals for keeping me company the first 18 miles of the marathon:

Rihanna
Chris Brown
Estelle
David Archuletta
Duffy
&
Katy Perry

Musings of a Mad Scientist

Date: 19 October 2008

Room Temperature: 23 degrees C
Relative Humidity: 24%
Barometric Pressure: 659 mmHg

INTRODUCTION
Today's study is being used to measure the rate at which pickle juice empties from the stomach. Subjects will be suckered and bribed into the following procedures:

Upon entering the laboratory subjects will ingest 5 ml of water/kg body weight to ensure adequate hydration. After routine placement of a venous catheter and voiding of the bladder the real fun begins...

METHODS
Testing the Gag Reflex:
Subject will begin by testing their gag reflex by inserting a length of plastic NG tubing running through the nose and esophagus and into the stomach. In the event the subject is not man enough to swallow the NG tubing, subject will receive verbal hazing from all laboratory assistants before being dismissed from the study.







Testing the Gag Reflex of Lab Assistants:
When the NG tube has been placed a large syringe will be used to empty the contents of the stomach. All brown floaty gastric juice and foamy mucus is sucked from the stomach and collected in a beaker. This step is not only crucial for obtaining accurate measures of pickle juice concentration later on, but also tests the gag reflex of all lab assistants present.






In Case No One's Thrown Up Yet:
Once the subject's stomach has been emptied they will have 90 seconds to ingest anywhere from 500-700 ml of pickle juice. For those unfamiliar with standard units that's approximately a nice 20 oz. Big Gulp of straight up dill pickle juice!






I believe the look on Brett's face says it all.





However Dan's the one who actually managed to puke pickle juice all over his arm. And yes we had to measure and record the volume of his puke. Yummy!





The Cherry On-Top:
Following the ingestion of pickle juice the gastric contents of the stomach will be mixed by sucking pickle juice in and out of the subject's stomach via their NG tube.





You Really Thought the Fun was Over:
Once the subject is released from the laboratory they will be advised to drink plenty of water immediately to avoid a bad case of the runs...little do they know they will most likely get a bad case of the runs either way.

[ I'll spare you the picture on this one ]

Did I mention we pay $10/hr??

PS- if you haven't had your fill my friend Nate also made a great post on this one...check it out at The Book of Nate.

LOTOJA 2008

Behold a photo documentary of our LOTOJA experience:

1 DAY

3 STATES

206 MILES

1000 CYCLISTS

Okay, that was a bit cheesy but you get the idea. Stephanie, Lauren, Angela, and I relayed a road race from Logan, UT to Jackson Hole, WY. It was tons of fun but very challenging.

We managed to SHOVE 2 bikes, a cooler, and four people into Annie's blazer! It was quite the squeeze...check out Steph and Brett in the back seat on the way upto Logan. Being advised Logan would be packed with people we thought it might be a better idea to catch dinner in Brigham City. Have you ever been to Brigham City?? Yeah, not the best idea. They have approximately two places to eat...Donna's Family Diner or Maddox. We choose Maddox and although it was around 7:30pm I felt like we were catching the Early Bird Special! I'm pretty sure the average age in Maddox was 65 yrs old.

After using half the salt shaker on my vege pasta we paid our bill and set out for Logan. My friend Annie's brother and sister in law were so gracious to let us crash at their place for the evening.

We woke up bright and early at 6:30am to meet Angela at the first exchange point. Brett decided to wake up with a little Rage Against the Machine...you'll also notice a box of wheat thins in the car. Some how those didn't last past 8am??? Weird.




I was the second rider, don't be fooled by the calm and collected look I'm pulling off in this photo. You will not be disappointed or surprised that I spent a good half hour whimppering about how nervous I was.




From left to right...Steph, Annie, Me



So that's what my butt looks like from behind...

...and here comes Angela handing off the first leg.




We were excited to run into our dear friend Jackie and her baby Jefferson supporting husband and father Jason. Jackie was such a trooper carting around Jefferson for 11 hours in the car and running to meet her husband with food and drink...wow!





Speaking of support crews we had quite the awesome support team ourselves! This is Annie (dear friend and fellow grad student) and Brett (dear friend and Steph's Boyfriend)...our support crew.





After 21 miles uphill and an additional 24 miles working downhill and flat I was definitely ready to hand off to Stephanie. Her and Semaj,(her bike) look rearing to go in this photo...



...and now the nerves have clearly set in.







Stephanie had a really tough leg of the race as well, riding the two steepest climbs in the race. I was not shocked to hear rummor of Steph pulling a pack of 15-20 guys for quite some time. For those unfamiliar with cycling the first person in a group of riders cuts wind for everyone else drafting. Normally a line of riders will rotate through pulling the pack because the first person does significantly more work. Stephanie on the other hand has some type of superhuman mutant gene which allows her legs to never get tired. Additionally she's not about to be out done by very many people...especially guys...and even more ESPECIALLY other girls!! Ha, ha...

The other riders clearly thought she was as crazy as I know her to be! Finally someone shouted, "Hey Red, you don't have to do all the work we can pull too!" After some convincing she finally let one other guy trade off in pulling the pack?? You're a POWERHOUSE Steph!! Stubborn too :)


Oh here's a great shot...it's an Asian tourist flashing the peace sign.



Annie was a little upset her and Brett weren't providing more "support"...although we were thrilled to have the company as well as the drivers. Anyhow, here is Brett supposedly helping me "fix" my bike. Nothing was actually wrong with it. Ironically just after this exchange I sent out the SOS text message...HELP, don't leave, we're at the start!! Lauren actually did run into a little problem with her tire and it's a good thing we had our support crew or we'd have been high and dry and just plain out of luck.






I decided I wan't to be as "hard core" as Stephanie who rode two legs of the race. One on her own and a second one with Angela. So I decided to ride the last 47 miles with Lauren.




Here's the hand off..that's Stephanie and Angela rolling in.





And that's Lauren and I taking off. Literally 1 minute later is when we realized something was funny with Lauren's tire. However it proved to be only a minor set back (15 minutes). Infact, I was a much bigger set back at this point in the game. I felt good about the first hour into the ride but then my legs decided to remind me I'm not Stephanie and they had already riden a hard 45 miles earlier in the day! We finally tagged onto the back of a pack of about 7 riders and it took all my energy just to hang on the back of the draft! The whole time my back was aching and my legs were so tired. I didn't think I'd be able to hang on much longer and kept thinking in my head, just tell Lauren to keep going...you can't hang on any longer!! And yet I did hang on and on and on...for about a whole hour!! (I was proud)

I think what really gave me the drive to keep up with the pack was the fact I'd be riding in misery twice as long if I let myself fall off on my own! Those drafts really make SUCH a difference in speed and time, it's amazing!

I actually did lose the pack eventually because I wasn't paying attention when we made a sharp hair pin turn up a little hill. I didn't gear down and totally had to unclip on the hill...it's a good thing no one was behind me or it would have been a pile up. Thankfully a rider from the pack who had stopped to relieve himself caught back up and told Lauren I'd dropped off the back.

Lauren was a doll face! She waited up and then pulled me in the last 7 miles or so.




Here's a lovely shot in Jackson when I was hating my life!





There's a glimps of the finish line. I actually didn't believe any of the signs that said 5km left!! because I couldn't see any signs of civilization on the horizon! Ha, ha...




Brett finally had enough of driving...so he decided to run a little 4k! That's right, I said 4km!




12.5 hours after we started...we FINISHED!!! Do I look dead?? Good, because I felt like it. 93 miles is currently the longest ride I've done in one day! Our finisher medals were pretty cool...they are miniature chain rings if you can't tell.




And last but not least is Lauren's naked blanket photo! Probably slap happy with exhaustion but I couldn't stop laughing when Lauren wrapped that blanket around her shoulders because it looked like she was commando underneith!








The end of another adventure!

Inconsistencies associate with the VO2max/anaerobic hypothesis

Another hilarious excerpt from my readings today, enjoy:

Exercise at extreme altitudes is not limited by high blood lactate levels or by indications of limitations in cardiac or respiratory function. As discussed, during maximal exercise at increasingly higher altitudes, cardiac output actually decreases. This is strong evidence for protective mechanisms that prevent cardiac, central nervous system, and skeletal muscle damage. From the standpoint of the organism and its physiological control mechanisms, fatigue is preferable to death.

In case you missed the hilarity in that let's review.

Interviewer: Excuse me Mr. Organism, but what is your standpoint in regards to fatigue vs. death?

Organism: Naturally I feel fatigue is preferable to death.

Interviewer: Would you like to expound on that for us? Why exactly would you choose fatigue as opposed to death.

Organism: Well, for starters, if I were dead we wouldn't be having this conversation would we? I mean, you can defiantly recover from a fatiguing bout of exercise but I'm not at all trained in the science of exorcism.

Interviewer: That's a good point. Thank you for your time Mr. Organism.

(Mr. Organism continues to beat. Pumping blood to body tissues with each contraction.)

Interviewer: And there you have it folks, from the mouth of the Organism itself, the organism prefers fatigue to death!

HOMELESS

Since no one wants to answer my phone calls and listen to me complain about life...

As implied from the title of this post, I am officially homeless. My belongings now reside in some random lady's house, Chelsey's garage, and the back seat of my smurf mobile. For anyone who has not experienced the homeless life of a wandering vagabond, I don't recommend it. Sure you save on rent, (which by the way is not why I am homeless), but it's a big pain in the butt! I will spare you the full details of my housing dilemma but let me show you what I'm up against.

$850 / 3br - Well maintained, 3 bedroom beautiful house w/ modern bathrooms

The fact that they feel the need to specify "modern bathrooms" concerns me. Seriously, modern bathrooms as opposed to what??? An outhouse? Okay, in case you think I'm just being picky I actually looked into this place but it's not an option as they are looking for someone to take over the mortgage on the home.

Additionally, while I'm in the business of wallowing in my despair...I would like to complain that my underarms hurt. Somehow I once again was convinced to sell my body to science for only $10.00. It was a study on different types of crutches and which ones are most energy efficient and comfortable. Well, the bruises on my underarms will testify the are NOT comfortable!!!

Bus Driver vs The Defiant Fourth Grader

Wherever there is injustice, you will find us. Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there. Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...

Those of you who know me well know that I can sometimes I can get pretty fired up. There are a few distinct experiences from my past which evident this. Actually there are probably more than a few, but that's beside the point.


Case Study #1: Bus Driver vs Defiant Fourth Grader

Perhaps you have long since forgotten the days of riding the big yellow school bus. Let me refresh your memory. First off an unspoken hierarchy exists in regards to elementary school in general. In the case of riding the bus it's no question fifth graders automatically sit in the very back of the bus. The reasons for this are quite apparent to any self respecting fifth grader. First it establishes your position at the top of the social hierarchy. Secondly you create the largest amount of distance between you and the authority figure on the premises, the driver. Third, a trip on the old yellow school bus is somewhat like a mini amusement park ride, and all the kids know you definitely catch the most air off any bumps or pot holes when sitting in the back! Naturally if the fifth graders are in the back of the bus the other children follow suit and we have none other than the first two row reserved for our dear little kindergartener's.

Which leads me to remember the demoralizing act of going from "King of the Bus" in fifth grade to being a lowly sixth grader in middle school and having to once again sit in the first few rows. As if this transition was not hard enough the eighth graders in my school felt the need to initiate the sixth graders daily by spitting handfuls of sunflower seeds at our heads.

Anyhow, now that we've reminisced and set the scene, imagine the fourth grade version of me. I pretty much looked exactly the same except I was shorter had bangs and very nerdy glasses. Personality wise I still had a large amount of social propriety in public and was pretty much a non-confrontational easy going child (at least that's how I remember it).

So one afternoon back in elementary I boarded the school bus as usual taking my rightful place as a fourth grader in a mid-rear seat. Following the example of my older and highly esteemed fifth grade elders, I was not seated completely on my butt. Instead I sat propped with one foot standing on the floor and one knee resting on the bench seat with my back against the window. This stance not only gives forth and fifth graders a feeling of dominance it also gives the child a better view of the whole bus.

Suddenly and with complete disregard for my position within the elementary school social hierarchy the bus driver specifically asked me to sit down. Naturally I respect authority and rules and would have been happy to oblige the bus driver's request, I just had one simple request of my own. Seeing as SEVERAL other children including my elder brother and his friend, were also standing up, I found it only just that they also be asked to sit down.

Apparently my logical and innocent request was misinterpreted by the bus driver as some type of challenge to her authority. Thus she repeatedly and specifically asked only me to sit down. I don't recall if I actually sat down but I must have continued to argue my point. Finally as the bus pulled up to my stop I hurried off the pull and muttered not so quietly under my breath, "you're stupid"! The bus driver immediately responded with, "what did you say?" Not about to let the bus driver get the best of me I clearly repeated, "I said you're stupid"! To which the bus driver challenged, "why don't you say that to my face"! Without a moment's hesitation I marched back up the giant steps of the bus and said, "you're stupid"! and then immediately fled the scene as fast as my little feet would carry me without turning around!

In retrospect, I fully admit, regardless of what the other students were doing, yes, I should have sat down when asked. But might I remind you, I was only in forth grade at the time. However let us also consider the maturity level of the bus driver as she challenged a fourth grader to, "say that to her face"! Yeah, I'm definitely less embarrassed to be the defiant fourth grader in this situation!

Stay tuned for:

Case Study #2: Choir Teacher Admits Defeat to Justice Seeking Eighth Grader

Article Review

As you can tell I'm lacking in my blogging creativity...apparently I shared all I had to say in about four months. Which pretty much consisted of poking fun at my large head, weird research activities, a few dating woes, etc. So I've decided to leave the writing to someone else this time.

The following is an exerpt from a research paper I was reviewing for my thesis.

Each subject retired to insert a rectal probe 10 cm beyond the anal sphincter. One subject did not consent to this procedure. Prior to immersion, the level of the tank water was set 2 cm below the level of the gluteal fold in order to accommodate lower limb volume. (Burnley et al 2002)

Ha, ha, this is how I entertain myself, and I'll tell you what...there's definitely more where that came from! One word, Pubmed, knock yourself out :) Okay, I'm sounding lame now. But seriously can we please discuss the lame-o that wouldn't consent to the rectal probe? And let us please give a hollar for "gluteal fold"...ha, ha, I can't say it without laughing.

References

Burnley, M., Doust, J., H., and Jones, A., M. Effects of prior heavy exercise, prior sprint exercise and passive warming on oxygenn uptake kinetics during heavey exercise in humans. Eur J Appl Physiol 87: 424-432, 2002.