Sunday, October 19, 2008

Musings of a Mad Scientist

Date: 19 October 2008

Room Temperature: 23 degrees C
Relative Humidity: 24%
Barometric Pressure: 659 mmHg

Today's study is being used to measure the rate at which pickle juice empties from the stomach. Subjects will be suckered and bribed into the following procedures:

Upon entering the laboratory subjects will ingest 5 ml of water/kg body weight to ensure adequate hydration. After routine placement of a venous catheter and voiding of the bladder the real fun begins...

Testing the Gag Reflex:
Subject will begin by testing their gag reflex by inserting a length of plastic NG tubing running through the nose and esophagus and into the stomach. In the event the subject is not man enough to swallow the NG tubing, subject will receive verbal hazing from all laboratory assistants before being dismissed from the study.

Testing the Gag Reflex of Lab Assistants:
When the NG tube has been placed a large syringe will be used to empty the contents of the stomach. All brown floaty gastric juice and foamy mucus is sucked from the stomach and collected in a beaker. This step is not only crucial for obtaining accurate measures of pickle juice concentration later on, but also tests the gag reflex of all lab assistants present.

In Case No One's Thrown Up Yet:
Once the subject's stomach has been emptied they will have 90 seconds to ingest anywhere from 500-700 ml of pickle juice. For those unfamiliar with standard units that's approximately a nice 20 oz. Big Gulp of straight up dill pickle juice!

I believe the look on Brett's face says it all.

However Dan's the one who actually managed to puke pickle juice all over his arm. And yes we had to measure and record the volume of his puke. Yummy!

The Cherry On-Top:
Following the ingestion of pickle juice the gastric contents of the stomach will be mixed by sucking pickle juice in and out of the subject's stomach via their NG tube.

You Really Thought the Fun was Over:
Once the subject is released from the laboratory they will be advised to drink plenty of water immediately to avoid a bad case of the runs...little do they know they will most likely get a bad case of the runs either way.

[ I'll spare you the picture on this one ]

Did I mention we pay $10/hr??

PS- if you haven't had your fill my friend Nate also made a great post on this one...check it out at The Book of Nate.


The Jacksons said...

i almost threw up just reading about it. what is the purpose of this disgusting research? i can't believe people volunteer to be involved in that. gross.

liz said...

crystelle, you need help.

Chelsey said...

Stelle, I hope this counts as your Halloween post. Leave it to you to turn a blog into a means to document scientific discoveries.